Archive for March, 2008

The Clean Cheater

Posted in Blogroll, family, humor, KIDS, life, personal, random, thoughts, Uncategorized on March 31, 2008 by Iron Mom

When I had Tooters in my mind I thought because I was having her young (early 20’s) that I would be able to stay one step ahead of her on most things.  I was a bit of a sneaky wild child and I remember most of the tricks that I would try to pull on my parents to get out of doing things.  Well folks I am here to tell you that no matter what you think, the kids will always get you one way or another.  Hopefully after you read what I am about to write you will see the genius that is my daughter.  

 In my house we live by a chore chart on the fridge.  For some reason the appeal of earning the check marks on that piece of poster board every night excites Tooters like she just ran a marathon, I just don’t get it.  But hey whatever works!  One of the things that I seem to always be telling her is to clean her room.  Is it a universal thing with all kids that they just cannot seem to hit the hamper with their clothes?  Maybe there is a natural kid repellant on it?  Anyways for some reason her clothes seem to hit the floor right in front of the hamper every time.  So over the weekend I told Tooters that if she wanted any friends over this week that that room had better be clean by the time she went to bed on Sunday night.  This gave her a whole day to clean the room.  Don’t get me wrong it was not to terribly bad but I still like to have a clean house and wanted it cleaned up.  Tooters agreed to this pretty quickly. 

First off this should have clued me in that something was up in that little mind of hers because when it comes to cleaning she never just gives in the first time I ask her.   It is always, “I’m tired.  I will do it later.  I need help. I am hungry.  I forgot.  But how come your not cleaning too.”  

You know the usual excuses from a 6 year old.  Well I was not feeling good and had a migraine coming on so thought well I will lie down on the couch for a little bit while Tooters was coloring at her little table in the living room.  Needless to say I fell asleep.   Now when this happens it is not for very long maybe 10 or 15 minutes and I am right back up checking on whatever disaster is being created by the Wonder Pup and Tooters.  However this time after a quick 30 minutes I did not wake up on my own.  It was the earsplitting music stylings of “Fergie” being blasted from her room that jolted me awake.  I personally love her CD and we often listen to it in the morning getting ready for work but it is always in my big stereo.  Tooters decided that it needed to be played in her room full blast, but when you have a migraine that is threatening to split your head in two pieces and ooze across the floor this is the last thing that you want to hear coming from the other end of the house.  I swear my house sounded like a dance club on a Friday night it was so loud.   

Once I got my eyes focused I rushed to her room to turn it down so that I could avoid an explosion above my shoulders.  I entered the black hole that she calls her room and there she is in her green tutu and tiara dancing with the Wonder Pup right on top of the clothes she was suppose to be picking up.  Once again I reminded her, after the music was back at human level, that her room still needs to be cleaned up.  What came out of her mouth next was child logic at its best.  

“But mom I decided to surprise you instead and cleaned your room for you.  Go check!” 

 I just stood there not really knowing what to say.  I did not want to hurt her feelings but I really, really, really wanted her room clean so I did not have to do it later.  At that point I was kind of stunned that she would clean any room willingly so I went to check it myself.  Now here is the thing, my hamper does not have a repellant on it so my clothes land where they are suppose to with the exception of my socks that I somehow manage to take off in my sleep every night.  Also for some reason at any given time I usually have a couple of different types of shoes on my floor for quick access.  I have sandals, running shoes, and slippers. 

So Tooters had gone in and picked up my socks, put away my shoes, and made my bed for me.  It was one of those mornings I did not want to bother with it.   So after realizing that she really had cleaned my room I looked at her and asked, “Honey what about your room, that is the one that needs cleaned up?” 

And here is the logic part:  

“Well you wanted A bedroom cleaned so I decided it was easier to clean your room for you than it was to clean mine.  Besides you did not say which bedroom I had to clean. Wasn’t that SOOOO sweet of me to do that for you!”   

You know as a child I never thought to clean the bedroom that was cleaner than my own and claim that as least I did something.  

 Anyone out there want to voice an opinion of what you say to that?  I have come to the conclusion that no matter how young you have your kids or if you think you know all of their tricks, believe me they will always come up with something new to trip you up with.

Peeping Toms of the New Age

Posted in Blogroll, family, humor, KIDS, life, personal, Uncategorized on March 24, 2008 by Iron Mom

I had quite the exciting event happen to me this past week.  I had the world’s stupidest peeping tom ever at my house.  Normally having someone in my yard looking in the window at night would have freaked me out a little but, but being that he was a moron I think is what kept me calm.  Let me back track a little bit. 

As you all know I live alone with Tooters and Paddy the Wonder Pup so noises outside really do not even faze me anymore I just ignore them.  If I jumped up to check every little noise outside that I hear I would never get a moment of peace after Tooters is in bed for the night. 

Well this particular night was the same as any other night of the week.  Tooters went to bed and Paddy settled down in her dog bed in the living room and crashed.  I have never heard a dog snore so much in my life.  Being that I have pretty bad insomnia and that night was shaping up to be a very long night for me I decided to check out what was on the TV.  Ok I was actually waiting for the “Bad Girls Club” to come on.  Shhhh!! It is a guilty pleasure of mine.  Of course my neighbor came home and made a lot of racket doing it so that set off the Wonder Pup, or so I thought that is what it was.  I finally get the Wonder Pup to quit having a fit so that Tooters would not wake up, and of course she had to pout after that.  She sat in her little bed looking at the front window doing the little, “Berf, berf” noise.

Now let me stop right here to set up the scenario a little more.  The Wonder Pup is very nosey and there is not a lot going on outside that she does not know about.  She picked up the habit of sitting on my window seat and wedging her 25-pound body between the window and the blinds to watch people going by.  I was afraid that she would bend the blinds so I started leaving them pulled up about a foot for her.  So now she lays on the seat and watches everything, this is very hilarious to watch.  She is like Mrs. Kravits from Bewitched with fur and a tail.  I am so used to them being up I forget to pull them down at night.  Of course if someone goes by they can see in a little bit from the road but not very well since my house sets up from the road. 

Well tonight was no different.  There I sit in my huge nightshirt that is almost worn through and my tweety bird pajama pants.  My show had not started yet so I am just flicking channels and while it is dead silent for a moment I hear a cell phone go off.  I look down and check but it is not my phone.  I look out the window and from my perch on the couch I see a person run past the window and jump the fence.  I heard the person crash on the other side of the fence let out a few cuss words and take off running up the road. 

Now like I said, this normally would have freaked me out but I thought about it for a second and came to the conclusion I have the worlds worst peeping tom.  What dumb ass peeps in the window and forgets to turn off the cell phone.  Second of all my gates are all pad locked shut so you would think they would find an easier yard to escape from.

So I called my mom who is a dispatcher at the sheriff’s office and told her what was going on and have one of the officers come check the yard.  OMG!!! What a mistake that was telling her what was going on.  Of course she is the world’s biggest worry wart (I think from now on that is what she will be called here The Wart) and instantly volunteered my dad (who is home in bed sound asleep) to come and stay the night on my couch.  I declined and told her I will be fine just have an officer cruise the area.  Well people be careful what you ask for because for the rest of the night there were traffic stops right outside of my house.  Then to top it all off my mom calls the house every hour asking if I am ok or if I heard anything else.  Heck after I made the first call I was in bed 45 minutes later and not even thinking about it.

I am just saying that if you are that desperate to look into someone’s windows while they are watching television remember to turn off your cell phones.  And a special note to the dumb ass at my window the other night, I hope you fell on your head and knocked some sense into yourself.

OMG What a Slacker I Am

Posted in Blogroll, family, humor, KIDS, life, personal, Uncategorized on March 18, 2008 by Iron Mom

Well I have been such a slacker and not posted any blogs in several months, but now I am going to get back to it.  I joined a website for weight loss support and kind of forgot about blogging here.  Well after a self verbal whipping I have decided for my own sanity to start posting again and get some of my stories (true ones believe it or not) back out there for people to read.

 How about if I give a quick update on my world.  Tooters recently turned 6 (omg where did the time go) and will graduate kindergarten at the end of the school year.  She loves school and wow did she educated beyond just the books.  But I will come back to that later.  Work is work just as busy and crazy as ever.  I think the boss has lost it and a new girl started in the office.  I really feel for my boss sometimes because it is him against the 3 of us now.  He does not stand a chance!!!!!

The ex aka the Sperm Donor or just the Donor for short has now decided that he needs to call every few months and still has not seen Tooters.  This is just fine in my world and now Tooters begs me after every call from him to please not make her go see him. 

 Paddy the wonder pup is just as crazy and funny as ever and boy did she pick up some habits over the winter.  I don’t understand this because she visits with my parents dogs that are very well behaved and meets the neighbor dog at the fence line (I think there is something going on there lol) so I don’t know where she got the new habits.  More on that later too.

 So hopefully now I will start posting more often and would like to create some kind of a following.  If I can brighten someones day with my mishaps in my life or make another single parent say, “Hey I am not the only one with that problem!” then I have done my job.