OK KARMA I GET THE HINT ALREADY
I know another month has come and gone since I last wrote but it has been a heck of a month. First off I have been working a lot of night shifts, which I love at the time but hate when I am trying to stay awake and take care of the Wonder Pup and Tooters. On top of that I am also maintaining my daytime hours at my office. Working nights is not that bad when I can bring Tooters because she stays up most of the night and then sleeps with me for a few hours at home. So far this summer she has left the heater alone lol. (See The Morning Monster for details)
The other day while I was napping on my new couch the Wonder Pup decided to let me know that she is not happy about the new rule, Stay Off My Couch. This upsets her because she is used to sleeping behind my knees on the old couch. So now she pouts in her crate, which I leave open all the time so she can hide under her blanky during thunderstorms.
Well the other day after spending two nights working and then trying to put in hours at the office I was extremely exhausted. Thankfully the Wanderer took pity on me and took Tooters for the day so that I could get some sleep. I decided that I would sleep on the couch so that when the time came I could get up easier. I was afraid that if I slept in my bed I would not want to move until the next morning. Well this did not sit well with the Wonder Pup at all. First she sat in the window seat and barked non-stop for ten minutes. I still do not know what she was barking at because every time I got up and looked there was nothing there. Then she would try to sneak up on the couch by my feet and then look at me innocently like she was doing nothing wrong. After that she would sit in front of the couch near my head and lick my hand that was hanging over the side then let go with the worse smelling dog fart ever. I am surprised it did not singe off my eyebrows however I am sure a few nose hairs perished due to the fumes. Finally I yelled at her to go lay down, so off she went sulking the whole way to her dog bed.
Yea finally some wonderful, beautiful, rejuvenating, blissful sleep came to me. I must have been super exhausted because I did not even dream, I basically passed out like a college kid after a kegger. After a few hours I woke up and looked around the darkening room. OMG I slept later than I wanted to, so I jumped up threw on the lights and called the Wanderer to apologize for over sleeping and I was on my way to get Tooters. He just told me not to worry about it because they were going out to dinner with some friends and he would just take Tooters with him. Bless him and those lovely words!!!
Then I realized that the Wonder Pup probably had to go potty by now so I called for her to go outside. Now usually she will come running as fast as she can and dive out the front door, but this time was different because there was no sound. I tried a couple more time and decided to go and look for her, she was probably up to no good and was hiding. I checked all the rooms before finally getting to my room. I still could not find the Wonder Pup, then I heard a noise from under bed and I decided to investigate. Sure enough there she was with that guilty, Oh shit I got caught look. I told her to get out of there and go outside. You know I don’t think I have ever seen the dog run that fast in my life.
After I got back to the living room something told me to go look under the bed and see what put the guilty look on the Wonder Pup’s face. So I made my way back and got on the floor and there it was, her revenge! She had gotten into the piles of laundry in the hallway, I am in the middle of two weeks worth of laundry, and found every single one of my socks and underwear then dragged them under the bed and was having a ball with them. Some of them had a couple of tiny holes in them but on the most part they were just wet from being in her mouth.
Needless to say I was pissed off and decided to take the dog in the bedroom tell her “bad dog” and let it go. It’s not like she ruined them, she just put them under the bed where I could hardly reach any of them. Out the front door I went yelling for her to come in. After a few minutes with no dog racing around the corner I had to go looking for her. This is the last thing I really wanted to do because I was in my nightclothes and flip-flops. But I did not want to let it go and forget later on; I just wanted to get it over with. I finally found the Wonder Pup in her doghouse in the back refusing to come out.
Great this is just want I need at the moment a fight with the dog in the middle of the backyard in my nightclothes and my eyes only half open. I sternly told the Wonder Pup to get out of there right now and took a few steps towards her. When I did this she shot out of there and headed for the open front door. I stood there for a moment doing a double take at the dog as she rounded the corner of the house. I swear there was something around her neck. I just shook my head thinking I was more tired then I thought and headed for the front of the house.
Bang! I slammed the door behind me and started calling the Wonder Pup and there she was curled up on her dog bed looking at me with guilty eyes. She was laying there with something around her neck just like I thought, but before I could get over to her to see what it was there was a knock on the door. The Wonder Pup as usual started barking and dancing at the door. I hooked my finger through her collar and opened the door. There stood a very young Mormon missionary ready to tell me all about me being a heathen Baptist and that I should give him a few minutes of my time.
First off the nightclothes did not embarrass me because it just looks like a shirt and shorts. It was not my messy kitchen or even the messy hair and smeared make up that embarrassed me. Oh no it was the spastic dog at the end of my arm doing everything she can to get away from my death grip on her collar. Just as I am telling the young man thanks for enlightening me to the errors of my ways but I am not interested at that moment the Wonder Pup got free. Out the door she ran jumping on the poor guy and then taking off for the neighbors. The man just gave me a strange look and said he would come back another time. Holy hell now I have to run to the neighbors and retrieve my dog. I think she has something going on with the bulldog next door.
Finally I got a hold of her, apologized to the neighbors and started dragging her back home. Now for some reason the neighbors gave me the same look the missionary did. Oh well maybe it is the hair after all I did get a new hair style last week.
In the house we go and I tell the Wonder Pup to get in her cage for a time out. Just as she is getting in the cage I noticed what was around her neck. It was a pair of my underwear!!!! Some how the dog got her head through the leg hole of them and was wearing them like a necklace. Here is the embarrassing part, she somehow got mud on them in just the right spot and they looked like there were skid marks on them. This totally explains the looks I was getting from everyone. I just sat in my chair holding my head thinking, “Why God, why me!?!?!?!”
I am beginning to think that something out there really does not want me working nights for some reason. How else do you explain the things that happen in my house when I try to sleep during the day????