One More Bad Habit Up In Smoke

In my house every once in a while I wonder who is really in control, Tooters or me.  I tried to quit smoking back in January, which obviously did not work out for me so I have been thinking in the last week that I need to try it again.  During the day I do pretty well one maybe two until bedtime comes.  This has been my nighttime routine for 13 years now, lock up the house, bathroom, smoke and jump into bed.  If it is a bad night then I will get up and smoke then go back to bed.  Since I am an insomniac this is ok, my body is used to very little sleep. 

 

I keep telling myself that at the end of this pack I will quit.  Well last night that choice was taken away from me.  I do not ever smoke in front or around Tooters so after she was in bed asleep I went out the side door for my nighttime smoke.  While I was sitting there thinking that this tastes gross tonight, I heard the most pitiful crying coming from inside.  Quickly I put out my smoke and ran into the house hoping Tooters was not vomiting again.  She had the stomach flu last night and I don’t know that I could take another night of changing bed sheets from projectile vomiting and wondering what the hell she ate to make it day-glo orange. 

 

When I was racing through the door I almost knocked her down because she was standing in the middle of the floor in front of the door crying.  I swept her up and took her to the rocking chair and asked her what was wrong.  It took a few minutes but she finally calmed down enough to tell me what was making her cry.

 

“You’re going to die and leave me!!!!!” and with that the tears started to flow again. 

 

I just looked at her trying to figure out what she was talking about and I asked her to repeat that and explain it to me.  After a few more minutes of heart wrenching sobs she explained to me that my lungs were turning black and they are going to shrivel up like raisins.  She also told me no one can breathe with raisins in their chest so I had to quit smoking right now. 

 

That clinched it for me.  I put her back in bed found my old box of patches, put one on, and threw out the last couple of cigarettes that I had.  So here I sit this morning a very tense bundle of nerves and very irritable.  My boss sat here this morning talking to me and for some reason it was like listening to nails on a chalkboard, I mean I could just picture myself knocking him out of his chair.  This is bad because usually I am so easy going.  I was going to save my patches for just at night but I am thinking now I might need to pick up some more for daytime.  I would hate for the headlines tomorrow to read, “Employee Decapitates Boss For Cigarette”

 

So wish me luck everyone on quitting.  I also want to apologize to my friends and family in advance for any comments or fits that might occur in the next few days.  I promise to keep the claws and fangs under control as much as possible. 

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3 Responses to “One More Bad Habit Up In Smoke”

  1. Good luck!! I mean that sincerely… I quit smoking 16 years ago, and my mother died from smoking-related cancer at the age of 44, just over a year after I quit. Get some support from a quitter’s group (we have a hugely successful one at our church) and begin to change your routines. I think it’s the routine that gets ingrained (yes, the nicotine is addictive, but we build our lives around the times we smoke.)
    I will pray for you!

  2. Thank you for the encouragement. So far so good, I mean I have not ripped any heads off yet lol

  3. I too offer my good wishes and if it helps any the knowledge that I was able to knock off a 2 pack a day habit 15 years ago. It wasn’t easy and there weren’t any patches back then so I just had to go on the smoke enders thing – cut down the number of smokes per hour, switch to a lower tar cigarette each week and then finally stop.

    I sure wasn’t happy about it in any phase, but I knew when I finally had it kicked. I had a dream just as clear and cogent as if I were sitting stone cold sober on my front step and I was smoking again. This woke me up violently and I was so afraid because I could taste the smoke on my tongue and I was worried that I really had started up again.

    At that point I knew I had it gone – until then its only about doing all the standard stuff. Do some exercising and breathing, drink lots of water (and less alcohol) – blah blah blah. I’m sure you have the information.

    Good luck.

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