There’s A Wad Of Gum On My Wall?!?!

I am going to list five things that no mother ever wants to hear from their child.  Then after that I will let you know which one I heard the other night.  But keep in mind I have heard all of these at one time or another.

 

1.     If you feed a whole can of beef stew to the dog will she explode?

2.     What would happen if you tie Barbie to the ceiling fan and turn it on high?

3.     Do we have a stepladder I cannot reach the gum on the wall?

4.     How many flushes does it take to flush Ken?

5.     How permanent are my markers?

 

I really have heard these things from Tooters, so can you guess which one I got hit with the other night?  If you guessed number 3 then you are correct.  Yes Tooters managed to get her gum she was chewing stuck to the wall near the ceiling.

 

The other night I was cleaning on the house a little bit while dinner was cooking when I caught Tooters with her hand in the candy bucket from Halloween.  I told her to get out of it so she did not spoil her dinner.  Tooters said ok and went to the playroom to play while she waited to eat.  I went into the laundry room at that point and started to hang up the wet shirts and put everything else in the dryer. 

 

Everything was right with the universe for a moment.  Tooters was playing with the dog and I was happy with the thought I would not have to go searching for clean socks in the morning.  After about ten minutes she was still giggling like mad when all of a sudden it got very very quiet.  This always scares me because I know she is up to something.  Then the dog went running out of the room when the thumping started.  All I can do is hang my head and hope that it is not as bad as it sounds.  Before I could finish what I was doing I heard the little innocent voice from the playroom.  She sounded very calm and collected like there was nothing strange about asking for a stepladder.  Here is how it really went:

 

T – “Mom do we have a stepladder?”

 

M – “Why do you need a ladder?”

 

T – “Oh just cause.  I need to reach something.”

 

M – “OMG what can you not reach, your toys are already on the floor?”

 

T – “I need the stepladder to get the gum off the wall.”

 

M – “Holy crap on a cracker!  What the hell is the gum doing on the wall?”

 

T – “Moommmmm I was playing with the dog and it got stuck duh.”

 

M – “Why do you even have gum I said no snacks before dinner!”

 

T – “It’s just gum you chew it you don’t swallow it so how can it ruin my dinner.”

With that I gave up the arguing between rooms, finished what I was doing and went to assess the damage.  I walked into the room and there stuck on the wall pretty far up was a wad of chewed up gum with a bubble in it and Tooters under it jumping up and down trying to reach it before I got into the room.  It looked like an alien laid a neon pink egg sack on my wall.  I whipped around and told Tooters she better start explaining and this is what I got.

 

“I was practicing how to blow bubbles and the Wonder Pup wanted to play, so I started tossing it up to see if she would catch it.  She was doing good, she even caught it once.  I blew another bubble to throw some more but it got stuck.” 

 

Ok here I am in the playroom with Tooters looking at me and waiting for me to retrieve her toy.  All I can think of is she put the gum in her mouth after the Wonder Pup touched it with her mouth and is it going to leave a pink circle on my wall. 

 

These are days that that explain the gray hairs I keep finding on my head.  Someday I will post the stories that go with the list at the top but for now I will let you picture the innocent child and the wad of gum in the playroom. 

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18 Responses to “There’s A Wad Of Gum On My Wall?!?!”

  1. Hahahahaha! Best. Story. Ever.!!! I love that she admitted she was playing ‘catch’ with the pup…and shared dog spit with her. Ick! Sounds like something my daughter would do.

  2. Ah, kids! Tooters sounds like a very healthy and happy child. I love that she thought that her explanation was reasonable and logical “Moommmmm I was playing with the dog and it got stuck duh.” HAHAHAHAHA

    I also love your description of the gum :”like an alien laid a neon pink egg sack on my wall.” THAT was GOOD!!

    Keep posting stuff like this. Gray hairs or not this is the way memories are made! 🙂

  3. dietisadirtyword Says:

    Ah! All of these sound familiar to me too!

    I have three kids, teenagers now, Jeffery is the oldest, Micah is the middle one (and only girl) and Benjamin is the youngest.

    I tell you, you never want to hear your youngest say, “Mom, Jeffery just rode his bike off the roof.”

    Yeah, we made a few trips to the ER when they were younger…

    Love your post, you have a great attitude! Hang on to that and do what I did – buy stock in Miss Clairol!
    LOL
    Steph

  4. Oh my god that was funny. I pictured it all the way to you shaking your head wondering why this is happening to you.

    I wish I had the hair to go gray. Mine is just leaving my head in protest to the three teenagers I have to try to raise…

  5. doggonedmysteries Says:

    Permanent marker is permanent it will even bleed through paint and it takes 2 coats of primer to cover it. I know this thanks to my neice who wrote her name on my freshly painted wall.

    Thanks for a good giggle!

  6. The answer to #4 is five. And on a similer note lighting firecrackers in a bowl of gravy will texture a dining room ceiling.

  7. lenfirewood Says:

    Thank you for your recent kind comment on my blog – your blog is amusing and full of wit btw. 🙂

  8. HAHA I love us kis…or teenagers too! Thatswhat I a, 🙂

  9. Oh m’gosh.
    Your kid and my kid should form a club.
    You always think you’ve heard it all until someone else tells you what their kid has done.
    Thanks for the great laugh tonight! I needed it!!
    Love your blog.

  10. Very fun stuff–at least it wasn’t boogers :).
    d

  11. Wonderful and a lovely way to start my day-with a good laugh! As the mother of a 26 year old, I had forgotten how it can be but you have brought all those precious moments back to me. Thank you!

  12. I admire your outlook towards life. If after all this you could post the whole affair so humourously, you must be a great mom. Need to show this blog to my wife.
    Cheers!

  13. nyota0uhura Says:

    This was so funny, I just about fell off my bed laughing! Classic, absolutely classic.
    I’m really looking forward to reading more of your hilarious Tooters stories, I can’t get enough!
    My baby brother used to lick the dog’s snout when he was a kid and as a baby, he even tried chewing (more like drooling) on its ear. I say: these kids have a healthy immune system. My little brother has been sick maybe 10 days in the 15 years he’s been wandering the planet. Maybe more kids should lick their dogs! 🙂

  14. ‘holy crap on a cracker’ awesome. simply awesome phrasage.

  15. Sorry for laughing at your plight but the way you described it was hilarious and as “Court” stated, the “holy crap on a cracker…… well totally cracked me up. Thanks for cheering me up 🙂

  16. RaiulBaztepo Says:

    Hello!
    Very Interesting post! Thank you for such interesting resource!
    PS: Sorry for my bad english, I’v just started to learn this language 😉
    See you!
    Your, Raiul Baztepo

  17. 7 blade ceiling fans have much better performance compared to those three bladed fans “`”

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