Archive for the cleansing Category

Lost Marbles, Found Marbles

Posted in angels, anger, Blogroll, children, cleansing, clothes, cute kid questions, cuteness, dog, early morning, emergency, emotional, entertainment, fall, family, friends, frustration, fun, funny, funny picture, funny things kids do, giving, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, humor, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, random, seasons, sick, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized, winter, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 12, 2009 by Iron Mom

Today for some reason is just a frustrating day and I think I will tell a little story to lighten things around here.  This story is based on actual events, however no finger pointing will be done and the identity of the main kid will remain secret.  It will not be revealed because I am afraid of retaliation and great bodily harm lol.

 

Once upon a time there lived a brother and sister.  They were close in age and loved each other dearly even though the mother could not tell by all the fighting done during the day.  At the end of the day brother and sister were put into the bathtub together (they were still young enough to do this) to peal off several layers of dirt, grim and who knows what else.  There was extra scrubbing involved this night because of a muddy project in the backyard and the mother wanted to make sure she had brought the right kids into the house. 

 

Brother and sister had heard the term digging to China and wanted to test the theory.  They found the perfect spot in the middle of the yard, in the garden and with the help of the neighbor kids started digging.  Since it was fall and most of the garden was picked the mother watched this going on thinking,

 

 “Oh God please let them dig till they are exhausted and go to bed early tonight!”

 

Well after a couple hours and a few feet later they found out that the further down they went the more mud they found.  The mother sprang off of the porch to start pulling kids out of the hole that was several feet down before they got stuck for good.  See she did not think they would get as far as they did, but she was sadly mistaken.  The kids had dug far enough down that they were getting into a water table that part of the town sits on.  After some crying and fussing all the dirt was returned to the hole, China would have to wait for another day I guess.  Neighbor kids were sent home to their parents, brother and sister were sent to the tub. 

 

Now this is where everything got interesting and I know the mother could feel the hairs on her head going not gray but white.  The little bit of sanity that she was holding onto for the night disappeared.  What happened was not bad but it was another one of those funny kid moments that you do not dare laugh in front of them, but you just cannot help yourself.  So here we go.

 

Once it was revealed that the proper kids were in fact in the bathtub the mother rinsed them off and decided to get sister out first.  Out came the little girl and the mother set about getting her dried off and started combing out the ten feet of rats nests sitting on top of her head.  The whole time the little boy is still playing with his toys in the tub.  Just when the mother was almost done there was a blood curdling scream coming from the bathroom.  The fear was evident in the mother’s face and you could see the thoughts in her head racing through.  The little girl was quickly moved aside and the mother went from the hallway outside the bathroom to standing next to the tub in a fraction of a second. 

 

Now with all the squealing coming from the little boy you would have thought there was blood everywhere or there were missing limbs.  Instantly the little boy realized mother was standing there and he looked up with all the alligator tears on his cheeks and started freaking out.  He kept repeating over and over again,

 

“I swear mommy I didn’t do it!  I swear I did not put anything in my mouth I don’t know how they got into my body!  I promise I did not do it! WWAAAAHHHH!!!”

 

The mother for the life of her could not figure out what was going on and finally got the boy to calm down enough he could tell her what was going on.  Now when I tell you what he said just close your eyes and try to image all of this in your head.  Are you ready?  OK here it is straight out of the boy’s mouth while he is looking straight down the whole time.

 

“Mommy I swear I do not know how the marbles got in my body.  I am a big boy, I don’t put things in my mouth anymore and I don’t remember swallowing my marbles.  So I don’t know how they got there!”

 

The mother perched on her knees next to the tub staring at the little boy still not quite comprehending what he was telling her asked him if he can feel the marbles and can he point to where they are at. 

 

The little boy took a deep breath, calmly looked at his mother and point to his……… “area”.  Instantly it dawned on the mother he found his “beans” and being a toddler thought that he swallowed some marbles and they got stuck there.

 

Without a word she calmly stood up walked out of the bathroom, yelled for the boy’s father and told him he was needed in the bathroom right away.  Honestly I don’t know what happened to the mother the rest of the night she simply walked away shaking her head, giggling, and saying,

 

 “What next?”

 

So that is my story for the day, I will leave the speculation of the boy’s identity to you.  Those of you that read my story that knows who I am in the real world and you do not quite know who it is just think really hard and you will figure it out.  As for the little boy, I am soooooo sorry and please don’t hurt me lol. 

 

Have a great day everyone!!!!!!!!!

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You Might Be A Parent If……..

Posted in angels, anger, Blogroll, children, cleansing, clothes, co-workers, cute kid questions, cuteness, dog, Dolls, early morning, emergency, emotional, entertainment, fall, family, fire, friends, frustration, fun, funny, funny things kids do, giving, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, horror, humor, job, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, pets, puggle, random, sick, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 3, 2009 by Iron Mom

I know this is my first post in a while but it has already been one hell of a year for me.  Between my heater going out for a whole week and finding out really bad stuff about my ex, I just have not been in the mood to blog.  Which is a huge mistake because I get such joy out of it.  So as a tribute to my readers, especially the awesome parents out there, you know who you are, here is one of my lists that people seem to enjoy so much.

 

Jeff Foxworthy has made the saying you might be a redneck if….

 

Well I have decided that I want my own catch phrase and since I always laugh at what he says this pays a little homage to him to, hence the title.  You know since I am a little redneck myself lol.  So here it goes my top ten things that make a parent a parent:

 

1. At any given time you have been in the middle of the grocery store and someone points out an unidentifiable substance on your shirt.  You being the parent first smell it and if it is not rank lick it, sending the other person away gagging into their grocery bag.  Come on it was just a little chocolate.

 

2. You go rushing out of the house in the morning to get the kids to school and in the mad dash to get them there on time you get pulled over.  After the cop looks at you like you have 2 heads and the kids in the backseat are letting you know that they are telling dad, you realize you forgot a couple of rollers on top of your head, the fluffy slippers with eyes and the fuzzy bathrobe hanging open.  You know there was a time in your life that would have gotten you out of the ticket not the other way around.

 

3. After a long day of wrestling little ones in and out of the car, fighting with a squirmy puppy, trying to make something that resembles a dinner and getting the kids into bed you try to enjoy the quiet house.  All this is shattered by the husband hollering for his clean socks, his clean towel, and his things for in the morning.  To top it all off he cannot understand why you are not “in the mood” and you do not even want to be touched.

 

4. It is later afternoon the baby is finally asleep and you have a moment to yourself while you fold a mountain of laundry and cuss out the skinny chick on television that had the baby 2 seconds ago and is complaining about wearing a size 5 instead of a 2.  This is when you realize you forgot today is your carpool day so out the door you race in your sweats praying you don’t smell to bad.  Then back into the house you go to get the sleeping baby.  Then back in the house again for the car keys that are now locked inside with the cell phone. 

 

(Let me tell you a post baby body does not slide through the bedroom window like it did fifteen years ago.  It is even worse when the dog is jumping up licking your grunting face from the bed you are trying to aim at, but instead hit the floor.  All you can do is stare at the ceiling while you are waiting for your lungs to re-inflate and think why me?)

 

5. You realize that the terms “pissed on” and “shit on” take on a whole new meaning.  I will not even elaborate on that one.  If you have had a baby you know what I am talking about. 

 

6. Your clothes are no longer your clothes.  Some how the few remaining dresses that somewhat fit and is kind of decent enough for dinner with the husband/boyfriend has become your daughters dress up clothes.  Your one pair of prized hooker heels (come on ladies admit you have a pair hidden in the closet!)  have become their princess shoes for them to wobble around the house in when you are not looking.

 

7. Personal products are no longer personal.  You walk into the bathroom to find your son and his friends shooting your tampons as hard as they can up into the air so they land in the bathtub full of water and expand so fast all they can do is giggle.

 

8.Your silverware drawer that used to have beautiful designs that matched are now mismatched and mis-sized.  This is because most of your spoons are buried in the garden and the forks have become little crucifixes for little green army men. 

 

9. One morning you stumble into work wearing clothes that are barely clean and not really matching, but the dark circles under your eyes actually match your dark shoes.  This is because you have been up all night with one or more kid, being puked on, coughed on, and snotted on.  Then you manage to get a couple of hours sleep after you dose them with nighttime medicine in the middle of the night.  OMG they then bounce out of bed in the morning with a miraculous recovery because there is a birthday party after school they just have to go to or die.

 

10. You swear on your grandmothers grave that if you hear advise or how well someone is going to raise their kids so that they do not act like your little devil spawn running circles around you and they do not have kids; well lets just say they have “by reason of insanity” for a reason. 

 

If you fit any of these then you just might be a parent lol!!!  Re-reading this post I wonder how any of us do it somedays, both with a partner and alone.

 

So welcome back me and let’s hope it gets better for the Nuthouse.  I missed everyone terribly and hope to hear from all soon. 

 

 

 

 

 

My Sweet, Sweet Little Stinker

Posted in Blogroll, children, christmas, cleansing, cute kid questions, cuteness, emotional, family, friends, frustration, fun, funny, funny things kids do, growing up, healing, health, help, holiday, hope, humor, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, random, thoughts, Uncategorized, winter with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2008 by Iron Mom

Christmas is a time of family, giving and thinking of someone other than ourselves.  Well ever since my divorce holidays are kind of rough for me.  Even though I have my beautiful daughter and my wonderful parents that live here in town, I still feel like the holidays are a little reminder that my little family was torn apart.  Not only is it that Tooters and I were left to face the world ourselves I feel bad that I am not able to give her the presents I wish I could give her.  Instead I settle for making a huge deal of Christmas and being with family.  I am also passing on a saying to her that my mother taught me as a kid, “It is better to give than to receive.”  The other one that we have been working on is, “It is not the size and expense of the gift it is the thought that counts.”

 

We have been working on understanding the meaning of these little pearls of wisdom for a while now and OMG I think she finally got it the other day.  What she did made me actually sit down and cry underneath our little Christmas tree. 

 

A couple weekends ago my boyfriend came into town and helped us put up all the lights outside plus the tree inside.  Well since then my little tree has been bare with no presents.  I only was able to buy a few things for Tooters this year and I was saving them for Santa to bring to her.  I finally could not stand it anymore and went to the store to pick up a few things that I could wrap for her.  They are nothing-expensive just little things like coloring books (she can color for hours at a time) and a blow dryer for the both of us since she is getting into that and mine is on its last legs/cord.   So I waited for her to go to bed and sat at my table wrapping presents so I could surprise her in the morning.  Let me tell you it could have been Christmas already. 

 

We sat down and I let her read all of the tags to me.  With each one that she read that was for her she got more excited.  I explained to her that she cannot open them until next week and she said ok.  Then that little sweetie looked up at me and said, “Mommy where are your presents?  All of these are for me.”

 

I explained to her that my presents were coming with Santa on Christmas morning and not to worry about it.  I also let her know that she will go shopping with my parents later on so that she will have something to give to me.  This seemed to pacify her and off to school/work we went for the day. 

 

The next morning my alarm clock went off and as usual I hit the snooze button, but unknown to me Tooters snuck out of bed and turned it off.  She tip toed into the hall closet and got out the only wrapping paper she could reach and went into the kitchen.  There she sat at the table while was still asleep and wrapped 6 presents for me and put them under the tree.  Later on my parents started knocking at the door to let me know my dad was shoveling the driveway for me, and that is what woke me up 15 minutes late for work. 

 

Tooters dragged me into the living room and showed me the fruits of her labor.  I asked her what all that was under the tree and why did she use the baby shower and birthday paper.  She said that was all she could reach.  Tooters said that she could not shop so she wrapped up some of her stuff and put it under the tree so I would not feel left out.  I told her that she did not have to do that, then she looked at me and said, “But mom remember it is the thought that counts and I was thinking of you with my heart.”

 

OMG I sat down next to her and cried while I hugged her.  Of course that night I talked her into unwrapping her stuff so she could have it back and that I would get her presents next week.  She agreed and what I unwrapped amazed me.  One of them was her purse that I still borrow from time to time.  The other 5 were books from her shelf.  She said that she gave them to me because I am always telling her how precious books are and how much I love to read. 

 

This all just blew me away because she is actually listening and learning from me.  So I am going to rub it in that I have the most special little Santa’s helper in the world wrapped up in 4 feet of sweetness.  I think this is something I will remember the rest of my life.  I hope you all have a chance to have an experience as precious as I did earlier this week. 

A Little Extra Hope For Us All

Posted in Blogroll, children, christmas, cleansing, cuteness, dog, emergency, emotional, family, friends, growing up, healing, health, help, holiday, hope, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, pets, random, seasons, thoughts, Uncategorized, winter with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2008 by Iron Mom

By definition hope means: to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment, to expect and desire, or to look forward to with confidence or expectation. 

 

This time of year it seems like we all have a little more hope than any other time.  We hope for peace, good holidays, safety for family, or many other things.  But there are some of us that hope for more.  We hope for the love of our families and a good person without expectations.  We hope for the wisdom to guide our children in hopes that they become the wonderful adults that we all know that they can be.  We hope for the patience and understanding for the times that the children are not at their best. 

 

Then there are those of us that hope for the more critical things in life.  We hope for enough money to be able to give our children something under the Christmas tree.  We hope for enough money to be able to keep the heat on and pay rent for another month.  We hope that with the economy collapsing around us we have a job for another month.  We hope to be able to buy food for another week. 

 

So with Christmas looming just around the corner maybe we should all take a moment and remember these people that are hoping everyday for something better to come along.  We need to give a moment to the troops and their families that are hoping daily for their safety.  We need to give a moment to the struggling parents, both single and married.  We need to give hope to the poor children without good homes.  We need to give hope to the people without a home.  We need to give hope to each other for every reason we can think of.  

 

I know that it is still a few days from Christmas but with the snow blowing outside my window I was in the mood to send out a Christmas message from Tooters, The Wonder Pup and myself now. 

 

Merry Christmas blogging world and here is some hope for all of us.

There’s A Wad Of Gum On My Wall?!?!

Posted in anger, Barbie, Blogroll, children, cleansing, cute kid questions, cuteness, dog, Dolls, emergency, emotional, fall, family, frustration, fun, funny, funny picture, funny things kids do, growing up, healing, help, horror, humor, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, pets, puggle, random, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2008 by Iron Mom

I am going to list five things that no mother ever wants to hear from their child.  Then after that I will let you know which one I heard the other night.  But keep in mind I have heard all of these at one time or another.

 

1.     If you feed a whole can of beef stew to the dog will she explode?

2.     What would happen if you tie Barbie to the ceiling fan and turn it on high?

3.     Do we have a stepladder I cannot reach the gum on the wall?

4.     How many flushes does it take to flush Ken?

5.     How permanent are my markers?

 

I really have heard these things from Tooters, so can you guess which one I got hit with the other night?  If you guessed number 3 then you are correct.  Yes Tooters managed to get her gum she was chewing stuck to the wall near the ceiling.

 

The other night I was cleaning on the house a little bit while dinner was cooking when I caught Tooters with her hand in the candy bucket from Halloween.  I told her to get out of it so she did not spoil her dinner.  Tooters said ok and went to the playroom to play while she waited to eat.  I went into the laundry room at that point and started to hang up the wet shirts and put everything else in the dryer. 

 

Everything was right with the universe for a moment.  Tooters was playing with the dog and I was happy with the thought I would not have to go searching for clean socks in the morning.  After about ten minutes she was still giggling like mad when all of a sudden it got very very quiet.  This always scares me because I know she is up to something.  Then the dog went running out of the room when the thumping started.  All I can do is hang my head and hope that it is not as bad as it sounds.  Before I could finish what I was doing I heard the little innocent voice from the playroom.  She sounded very calm and collected like there was nothing strange about asking for a stepladder.  Here is how it really went:

 

T – “Mom do we have a stepladder?”

 

M – “Why do you need a ladder?”

 

T – “Oh just cause.  I need to reach something.”

 

M – “OMG what can you not reach, your toys are already on the floor?”

 

T – “I need the stepladder to get the gum off the wall.”

 

M – “Holy crap on a cracker!  What the hell is the gum doing on the wall?”

 

T – “Moommmmm I was playing with the dog and it got stuck duh.”

 

M – “Why do you even have gum I said no snacks before dinner!”

 

T – “It’s just gum you chew it you don’t swallow it so how can it ruin my dinner.”

With that I gave up the arguing between rooms, finished what I was doing and went to assess the damage.  I walked into the room and there stuck on the wall pretty far up was a wad of chewed up gum with a bubble in it and Tooters under it jumping up and down trying to reach it before I got into the room.  It looked like an alien laid a neon pink egg sack on my wall.  I whipped around and told Tooters she better start explaining and this is what I got.

 

“I was practicing how to blow bubbles and the Wonder Pup wanted to play, so I started tossing it up to see if she would catch it.  She was doing good, she even caught it once.  I blew another bubble to throw some more but it got stuck.” 

 

Ok here I am in the playroom with Tooters looking at me and waiting for me to retrieve her toy.  All I can think of is she put the gum in her mouth after the Wonder Pup touched it with her mouth and is it going to leave a pink circle on my wall. 

 

These are days that that explain the gray hairs I keep finding on my head.  Someday I will post the stories that go with the list at the top but for now I will let you picture the innocent child and the wad of gum in the playroom. 

Missing: One Brain Cell Possibly More

Posted in anger, Blogroll, boss, children, cleansing, co-workers, emergency, emotional, family, friends, frustration, fun, funny, healing, health, help, horror, humor, life, personal, personality, random, sick, thoughts, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2008 by Iron Mom

I usually try to leave work stuff out of my blog but my boss did something yesterday that I just have to talk about.  Now I know he tries really hard but there is something about this guy that is way off.  Some days are worse than others.  His heart is in the right place I just don’t know that it is communicating with his brain. 

 

I was sitting at my desk hard at work as usual **wink wink ** when my boss and one of the other guys in the office walked in to get something out of the supply closet across from me.  Well they were standing in the doorway talking about general work stuff when my boss trying to make a point stomped his foot on the ground a couple of times.  Just as he did this the other guys cell phone made a doorbell noise, this just could not have been better timing.  The boss looked up shocked and I swear to God he asked me if he made that sound when he was stomping the ground. 

 

I don’t know what came over me but at that moment I just could not help myself, I very seriously looked at the boss and asked, “What noise?? I did not hear anything.”

 

He just looked from me then to the other guy looking very confused.  I asked the other guy if he heard anything thing then I asked the boss if he was feeling ok.  What happened next was classic.  He started stomping his foot on the ground like a horse saying watch I will make it do it again.  How I kept a straight face I will never know.  The other guy was turning purple because he was working so hard to keep from laughing.  I thought this guy was going to blow an O-ring or something. 

 

So of course I asked the boss if he was sure he was ok and did he remember to take his medicine that morning.  All he can do is keep stomping and saying just a second I swear I did it.  He finally gave up and mumbled something under his breath and shuffled back to his office.  As soon as I was in the clear I raced up the hallway to the closest exit so I could go outside and laugh.  I still have not told him that it was the cell phone and not his foot!

 

You know this is not the first time he has done something this absurd.  I wonder if he has lost a few marbles here and there.  Anyways it doesn’t matter to me what is wrong with him as long as he continues to brighten my day like that sometimes. 

Are You A Freddy or A Jason???

Posted in Blogroll, children, cleansing, costumes, emergency, emotional, family, fire, freddy krueger, friends, frustration, fun, funny, growing up, halloween, healing, health, help, horror, humor, jason vorhees, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, pets, random, scary movie, sick, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2008 by Iron Mom

In my opinion in life there are two kinds of people in the world.  You have your Jason people and your Freddy people.  What this means is which horror franchise do you prefer?  Are you the type of person that prefers the Freddy Kruger movies or do you like the Friday the 13th movies?  I believe this is directly related to your personality.  Just keep reading and see what I mean.

Freddy Kruger is gruesome to look at, but you just cannot turn away you have to keep looking at the overall look fascinated by the effect.  This means you are curious and not afraid of a little gore so you are a strong soul.  Freddy starts out with the basic slash of the young pretty girl but he evolves into much more.  His killing style becomes creative even jocular as the later movies come out.  This means that you are artistic and not afraid to take risks in life and you like to be thought provoking.  Freddy stalks his prey and toys with them if he does not get them the first time.  You are patient and if you do not mind trying over and over again to get what you want.  This also means that you are playful and do not mind a side trip now and again.

Jason actually was not in the first movie it was really his mother is concealed behind a mask.  This keeps you guessing and wondering what is behind it.  This means that you do not take people at face value you look beyond that and try to see what they are hiding.  He stalks his victims and seems to mostly stick to his determined gait.  This means you are focused you know where you are going even if it takes you a while.  His killing style is to slash and stab.  This means that you are direct and you cut to the chase so to speak and get it over with quickly.

Now for the weapons of choice.  Freddy has his signature glove with the knives.  However he also invades your dreams and kills from there.  This means that you are a deep thinker and a bit of a dreamer.  You like to use your hands but only for fun and art not for the dirty work.  This does not mean you are lazy you just have a different way of looking at the world.

Jason prefers the machete.  He stalks his prey and then slashes and stabs.  This means you have a direct purpose for what you do and how you do things.  He also sticks to the woods.  This means that you are not afraid of the outdoors or getting dirty. 

So which type of person are you?  Are you a Freddy or a Jason?  Personally I am a Freddy all the way.  I even have a collector’s edition box set of all the movies on VHS still in the wrapper that has never been watched.  I know what a nerd, but leave me alone that is my man.  As you can guess I am a little warped.  So leave a comment at the bottom and let me know what you are.  Happy Halloween.