Archive for the growing up Category

A Million Emotions For Sale

Posted in anger, blogging, Blogroll, boss, children, co-workers, college, emergency, emotional, entertainment, exhusbands, fall, family, friends, frustration, goals, growing up, healing, help, hope, iritation, job, life, living alone, mom, parenting, personal, random, single mom, thoughts, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2009 by Iron Mom

OK here’s the deal I have spent a majority of my life trying to go against the grain. I never wanted to fit into the normal category and enjoyed being different. It did not always win me very many friends but the few friends I have love me for me and not for being like someone else.

Growing up I did not fit into just one click at school instead I floated from group to group just depending on who struck my fancy that day. I made sure that I did not dress like the popular cheerleader girls, aka the carbon copy Barbie dolls. Instead I just wore what I wanted and what was comfortable, I just did not care as long as it was cute.

Now dating is a different story. I have not really dated since I left my ex back in 2004. It just did not interest me. I mean why would I want to take the risk of getting tangled up with another ass just to have my heart broken over and over again. So obviously my marriage left me with issues.

I am not the typical woman. I don’t like chick flicks, instead I prefer lots and lots of blood and action. Chick flicks depress me because they are all basically the same and therefore boring. I would rather camp in the dirt and fish than sit around with girlfriends gossiping about the new clerk at the video store and his amazing butt while doing each others hair. That is just not my cup of tea. I also hate Valentine’s Day; it is just a waste of time and money. I swear it was created by the greeting card industry to make a mint off of all the suckers out there.

I prefer little thoughtful gifts that let me know he is really listening to me in lieu of big expensive crap. Don’t get me wrong I would love to get flowers at work but I am just a simple girl with simple tastes. I don’t own even one piece of lingerie because it is a waste of money and my house is not really overly girly. I am not saying I am butch or a tomboy of any sorts I just feel like I do not really fit into any one certain type of mold.

However there are certain aspects of me that are not that different from other people. Even though I hate to cry, I don’t like the feeling of weakness it gives me, I really am capable of it. I love to laugh and be close to certain people. I don’t like feeling that I am being pulled in a thousand different directions at the same time, so when I do feel that way I actually have a stressed out moment.

This brings me to what I am ultimately feeling today. I have this overwhelming feeling of failure. I am stretched so thin I am not sure I can handle much more. But being a woman I am sure I will fit something else into my life. It just seems that my spirits are low and that affects everything and everyone around me.

I am trying to make everyone around me happy and live up to his or her expectations but seem to be falling short at the moment, plus forgetting about myself. Then when I do think about me for just a moment I get to into my own head and I end up feeling worse than before.

I try to please my parents and even though they tell me they are very proud of me I always feel like some of my decisions they do not agree with and it ends up disappointing them. When I call just because I am not super bubbly on the phone, never really been bubbly to begin with, then there is a problem and I am depressed.

I have moments when I am not as patient as I can be with Tooters and that lets her down. I sit around with mommy guilt, hating myself because I chewed her out for misbehaving and made her cry. Don’t get me wrong I know she is trying to get out of trouble and she knows this trick works most of the time then I end up caving in. I also know that there are times she is going to be mad at me but I would rather avoid that all together. I also have the guilt over spending time with friends, studying, in school or working overtime in the summer because this takes time away from her.

I am trying to please everyone at the office and make sure his or her needs are met. I always end up with more tasks on my plate than I can get done in a day and end up making someone mad because their request has to wait.

 Just this morning one of the guys came in and chewed me out for getting his supplies delivered a day late, which was beyond my control it was a holiday yesterday with no deliveries. For some reason it was my fault and he let me know it without giving me a chance to explain it to him then stormed out of the office. I don’t know what came over me but I actually did start to cry just a little bit. One of the girls came in and asked me what was happening. She said you are Sunny you don’t cry and let the guys get to you. Holy crap now I am not allowed to have an emotional marble rolling around in my head at work either.

School is taking up a lot of time. Don’t get me wrong I love school but this week is just really packed with assignments and a big exam on Monday. I have to start re-applying for student loans really soon and register for next semester in a couple of weeks. Right now I do not even want to know what classes are up next.

I guess I am basically just stressed, stretched thin, emotional and a little whiny today. I don’t think that it helped much this morning when my best friend expressed concern over the new boyfriend, he did it in a way that was not exactly gentle and made me feel bad. To top it off this is the season when my divorce was final and it tends to get to me a little bit still.

 I think I have gotten everything out of my system and I actually do feel a little bit better for now. I just have to wait for the time when the house is quiet and Tooters is asleep to see if I end up in my head again and the stupid feelings start over again. I am sure that I will be all better tomorrow but I was getting to a point I could not breath and had to tell someone. Writing is always easier for me to express things rather than talking to someone, watching them roll their eyes at me then tell me that I have nothing to be upset over because look at all I have. Next person that tells me that today might want to duck I just might throw something at them.

So see I am different like I set out to be, but ended up being pretty normal at the same time. With that I am off to my next task for the day and I promise that my next post will be more uplifting. Maybe the funky mood is just going around right now because I am not the only blogger out there feeling this. Let just all go have a drink and forget the world for a while instead, my place at 8??

An Indulgent Then & A Rewarding Now

Posted in anger, bills, blogging, Blogroll, children, clothes, college, cuteness, deadbeat dads, early morning, emergency, emotional, exhusbands, fall, family, friends, frustration, fun, giving, goals, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, humor, iritation, job, KIDS, life, living alone, mom, parenting, personal, personality, random, single mom, thoughts, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2009 by Iron Mom

When I was a little girl I had huge ideas of how my life was going to be when I grew up. I listened intently to all the fairytales convinced that that was how real life was. Convinced that there was a prince out there just waiting for me. Waiting to come riding up on his white horse, sword waving, with a smile that I would fall in love with instantly and be there to rescue me. What he is suppose to save me from I don’t know but that is how it was suppose to happen.

Then harsh reality of adulthood sets in and those ideals faded away with my youth. Then came a bad marriage, not enough money, starting over with a child, single mom hood and the every day anxiety of raising a daughter. With that praying I am showing Tooters the right path in life so she will grow up strong and avoid the same mistakes I made. I know that she needs to make her own bad choices at times and make her own mistakes to learn from but as a mother I want to shelter her from all that.

So here I sit thinking about then and now, what a difference a few years make. Wondering how I could have done things different then kicking myself in the butt because I realize my choices made me who I am today. My choices also brought me to a place in my life that I have a career of sorts with the state, I am attending college, living paycheck to paycheck and living with my greatest accomplishment in the world. As we all grow up think about current and past choices we see what we should have done different at the time. Below is irrefutable proof of a maturing mind:

Then: Once I used to be able to party all night just to race home, shower, eat a piece of toast and go to work perky.

Now: Just the thought of a drink sends me running for the aspirin and turns my stomach. The idea of spending an evening at a bar then taking care of Tooters the next day makes a few more white hairs pop out. I would rather watch a movie at home and go to bed early.

Then: Friday night was a race to find as many people to go out with as possible. Scouting out where the hot spots were for the night and wondering how many drinks I could get the cute guy across the bar to buy me.

Now: Friday night is spent watching kid movies, doing laundry, studying or just turning in for the night before midnight. Or sitting in front of the TV with a scary movie after Tooters is finally asleep thinking OMG I am going to pay for this at 7 am when she gets up because it is after midnight.

Then: Jumping in the shower before work with the music blasting at an earsplitting level and enjoying the hot water. Being able to shave my legs and pits in peace without explaining what I am doing or why and not caring if I end up walking around the house nekkid because I forgot my clothes and a clean towel.

Now: Getting in the shower before school/work with Tooters and racing through it so that we are both done before the song ends that is on the radio. Racing out of the shower to get dressed and yelling we are in fast mode because mommy could not pry her eyes open before hitting snooze for the third time.

Then: I used to stand in front of my closet full of cute clothes that were a size 0-5 wondering which one would make my butt look the cutest for the day. Looking in my drawer and have underwear with out holes and a bra that did not have safety pins holding it together.

Now: Looking in my closet wondering which outfit is going to hide the baby pooch that will never go away and the butt that is slowly migrating south. Finding the right bra that will keep my boobs from looking like socks with sand in them. Keeping duck tape in the bedroom to tape the under wire back in place for the day.

Then: Leaving the house smelling like a girl. Every hair in perfect order as well as the make up.

Now: Lucky to escape the house with out smelling to out of place from being puked on all night. Then getting to work and remembering that I only had to time to do one eye and afraid to look in the mirror and see my hair.

Then: Working overtime at my job thinking about the new pair of boots I get to buy for going out. Knowing that all the bills were paid ahead of time and if I wanted to eat out every meal I could because it was just me.

Now: Wondering which bill I can put off for another 2 weeks because Tooters has to have medicine for her ear. Now instead of shopping the specialty shops for myself I run to the thrift store hoping they have something in my size because all my clothes are either stained or do not fit anymore just so that Tooters can have the newest movie that came out. Also praying that the can of vegetables I just threw in the stew will taste ok because that is all I have left in the cupboard.

Looking at my list I realize that my youth was spent being indulgent and selfish. Tooters is such a blessing because she made me grow up and realize there are more important things out there than myself. I enjoy every sacrifice and indulging in her wants now instead of my own. I am sad that it took such a rocky path to get here and I apologize in secret for Tooters not having a normal family like I got to have. But then again I remind myself that we went from a deplorable situation to one that is loving, safe and all mine. I get to reap the rewards everyday and the little arms wrapped around my neck at night and little lips kissing my cheek makes everything ok no matter what kind of day I have had.

Thank you Tooters for being in my life. Thank you mom and dad for your unconditional love and support. Thank you friends for letting me vent and cry when I cannot stand it anymore. Thank you to all the special people in my life for lifting my spirits when I am down.

A Dork Of A Different Color

Posted in angels, anger, children, cute kid questions, cuteness, emotional, entertainment, family, friends, frustration, fun, funny, funny things kids do, growing up, help, hope, horror, humor, iritation, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, random, school, seasons, single mom, thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2009 by Iron Mom

Well this is my first post in a while so I think I will start it off on a lighter note.  I want everyone to start off with a smile today.  There is a lot of things going on in my life right now that I need to get out and will write about later, but they are sad and happy both at the same time.  Since I am in a little bit of a down mood today I will continue with the happiness that is the latest adventure of Tooters. 

 We have had a rush of new families move into the neighborhood lately and with them came the little bratty boys up the road.  They have been teaching the little girls all kinds of inappropriate vocabulary, which I am just thrilled about……NOT!!!!!  I seem to be doing a lot of explaining about things that no 7 year old should be asking about.  Plus with them being a little bit older they are trying to play the whole girlfriend/boyfriend drama crap with the girl next door that is a little older than Tooters.  Now my daughter wants nothing to do with that game.  She says that boys are ok as friends but as boyfriends they are just trouble.  I am so proud!! 

 So here is what happened.  Last Friday my new boyfriend and I (yippy I have a great guy finally) were sitting on the couch watching TV waiting on Tooters to get home from the school just enjoying the quiet.  She came barreling through the door all excited to tell me what happened on the bus.  I got her to sit down and breathe a little bit then let her go on with her story.

 Apparently one of the little bratty boys that rides the bus with her decided to push her out of the way and steal her seat.  Well this did not go over well with my daughter.  She told me that I should be proud of her because she did not hit him for it.  So far this is going good, especially with her track record of getting into one or two fights with the boys every year.  Honestly I was not ready for it this soon into the school year.  But she did inform me that she stood up for herself and this is what she told the brat.

 “Look here you little whore you better get out of my seat right now!”

 As soon as the words left her mouth my jaw dropped and my elbow went into my boyfriends ribs because he was laughing behind his hand.  Holy crap I was speechless for a minute and Tooters sat there waiting for my reply all proud of herself.  You could actually see her chest all puffed out.  I collected myself and asked her where she heard that from.  She said that the brat that is her friends “boyfriend” calls her that all the time.  I asked her if she knows what it means and she said of course she does it means a big dork. 

I carefully explained to her what it really meant and why we do not call people whores.  This was so hard to do since she is sitting there all innocent, I am dying to laugh and my boyfriend is giggling.  It took a little bit but we got it all discussed and I told her since she did not really know what it meant at the time she was not in trouble, but I better never catch her calling people that again.  I sent her off to change out of her school clothes and the second she left the room this is what my BF had to say,

“OMG she is so your daughter!”

 Now what was that suppose to mean?  I am sweet, innocent, sugar and spice, well at least that is what I keep telling people.  For some reason they always laugh at me when I say it.  Anyways I keep picturing my dainty daughter on the bus with the word whore coming out of her mouth at the little boy and it does make me smile.  Then it hits me, if she is like this now what is she going to be like as a teenager.  Holy hell am I in for some rocky interesting years ahead of me!! 

I am seriously considering selling her early if this is a slight glimpse of what is coming my way.  Any takers?  She can be returned at the age of 18, I promise I will let her back in the house at the time.  Anyone out there that has advise for me to help keep me out of the loony bin it would be greatly appreciated lol. 

The Amazing Stranger & His Amazing Advice

Posted in anger, blogging, Blogroll, children, emotional, entertainment, family, friends, frustration, growing up, help, hope, horror, humor, iritation, kicking ass, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, random, shopping, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2009 by Iron Mom

Dear Asshat At The Store,

           Sir I would like to extend a warm fuzzy thank you for your wonderful advice at the store the other day.  The fact that you were so concerned about my daughter and me is very heartwarming.  You do not see that enough now days. 

          I know that the line we were in was very long and the store was hot so I understand the frustration you were expressing to your friend. Heck if one of my friends were there I would have made a couple of statements as well.  However just a slight suggestion, nothing compared to what you told me, next time you decide to let loose with a five minute rant about how slow the arthritic cashier is by loudly saying “f*ck” over and over again please try to be a little quieter.  My daughter is very smart and knows that that is not a good word but she does not need to hear it right in front of her for that long.  Neither did the toddlers behind me in line or the kids in the next lane.  I know they heard it too since you were talking loud enough for half the store to hear your frustration.

           Just remember you are visiting my town not the other way around.  I understand that our quaint little town depends on tourist like you for income but there is such a thing as respect.  Maybe that is why you offered me the highly valued advice that you did. 

          When I politely asked you to tone it down or lower your voice just a little bit, I was not trying to be critical.  If I came across rude when I finally asked you to “Shut the hell up!” I sincerely apologize.  Then when you turned around to me and opened your mouth I was in complete awe of what wisdom you bestowed upon me.  I will be sure to pass it on to all of mommy friends.

          “Bitch shut the f*ck up!  Your daughter is going to hear that word the rest of her life you better start anesthetizing her to it now.  So f*ck, f*ck, f*ckity, f*ck, f*ck!”

          Those words right there are just pure music to my ears.  The fact that you admitted you have no kids, when asked, and you are still able to help me out in this way is just phenomenal.  Honestly I have only been a single parent for over seven years now and never once did that line of thought come into my mind.  If you ever have kids in the future they will be so lucky to have you as a dad. 

          “Well sir, with your obvious extensive vocabulary you can take that word and go to hell!  I am not talking to you that way so return the respect…..f*cktard!”   Just slipped out of my mouth so I apologize for that too, since you were just trying to help me out with your advice. 

          Please enjoy the rest of your stay in our beautiful town and don’t forget to keep spreading your advice to other people you come across.  I really hope they receive it as well as I did or better. 

 

Sincerely,

 

The Eternally Grateful Mom At The Store.

 

P.S. My dad is a nurse in the emergency room, so when you do arrive there eventually call me and I will be right down to be by your side.  It is the least I can do for you……fucktard!!!

Follow Me Tooters

Posted in angels, blogging, Blogroll, children, emergency, emotional, family, friends, frustration, giving, giving generousity, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, KIDS, life, living alone, mom, parenting, personal, personality, random, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2009 by Iron Mom

It is finally my turn to give back to someone around me. For so long I have had to rely on the people around me for help since my divorce. It is not something I like to do, but it is something that I have had to do. I get help from my parents with baby-sitting Tooters and of course they spoil her rotten with clothes and toys. My other friends have helped over the years with baby-sitting, letting me vent and just plain being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

I have also sat back and watched my parents help out people around them with a little bit of jealousy because I am not in the position to give back to others like that. I sit around and just try to be patient waiting my turn to give back something, help someone in need, or have that incredible feeling from being an awesome friend.

I finally got my chance this weekend. My best friend called my cell phone the other night and asked me to go pick up her daughter from her roommate since he was having some kind of melt down. She felt it was not a good place for her kiddo to be at the time. The little girl was in no danger or anything but why leave her in a stressful situation when she did not have to? Of course I was thrilled that she thought of me to help her and out the door I ran with Tooters hot on my heels.

I got back to the house with both girls who by the way were elated that they were going to be there watching movies late until my friend got off of work. I called her to let her know that everyone was safe and currently being sugared up on ice cream. I told her that since the roommate was being a dick that she was welcome to stay the night at my house. I had even made sure I was stocked up on herbal tea so we could have a good old fashion male bashing session. Sorry guys!! She agreed with me and said she would be there as soon as she picked up some clothes.

A few hours later my cell phone rang and it was my friend crying that the dick kicked her out. I got her as calm as I could and told her that the two of them are going to stay with me until we can find her a place or figure something out. I had my cousin that is visiting take the girls out for a Happy Meal so that they did not see my friend if she showed up crying. That was so cool for the girls to be going out of the house to McDonalds with someone new at 9:30 at night.

I have now set up my friend and her daughter in Tooters room. She is welcome at my house for as long as she can stand the insanity or she finds a new place to live. When Tooters asked about what was happening I told her what my mom used to tell me, we are building our stairway to heaven. I was taught growing up that you have so many steps to build in your lifetime in order to reach heaven but you only build each one by doing something good for others. So Tooters and I have added to our stairway this weekend.

 As bad as I feel for my friend and what she is going through I want to thank her. Thank you for being a friend to me, allowing me to be your friend, and letting me do something good for you. Thank you for asking for my help and giving me the gift of feeling incredible as I help you in your time of need. Thank you for being the strong, brave woman that is not afraid to ask for help so that I can take all of the good things people have done for me and pay it forward to you.

Someday Tooters will understand just how precious it is to help others and to relish in the feeling that comes from it. I know that my parents are the ones that have shown me that path so it is now my turn to take Tooters by the hand and guide her this way with me. It is a beautiful fulfilling path and I just pray that she appreciates where it goes, because it is a well-worn one paved in smiles behind us.

mom-and-daughter

Roll, Bounce, Splat…. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Posted in anger, blogging, Blogroll, children, cute kid questions, cuteness, early morning, emergency, emotional, entertainment, fall, family, friends, frustration, fun, funny, funny things kids do, giving, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, humor, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, random, sick, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 27, 2009 by Iron Mom

I think that today I am going to give a bright shiny example of what we say really does sink into our kid’s brains sometimes.  I think that no matter how much they fight us on some of the things that we want them to do, it is just unavoidable that they do end up picking up on it.  

 

First off I just want to say that no one was hurt in the course of what happened.  I apologize in advance to my mother “The Worry Wart” but I warned her that this story might end up on my blog.  Now, what everyone reading this has to understand is that my mother is very short.  I am not talking just a little petite, but short.  She comes in around 4’ 9” and tries to fool people into believing she is 5 foot even.  I believe our friends are very kind by not saying anything to break that bubble.

 

Anyways the other night my mother calls me at home, she works nights so it is like her morning, sniffling a little bit into the phone asking how my day was.  This is always a huge waving red flag that something happened to her during the day and she is looking for sympathy from me.  However, what usually happens is I end up laughing at what she has done until she hangs up on me.  It is not that I am a mean daughter or that I cannot give comfort where it is deserved.  It is just when she does something it is later on when she tells me, no one was hurt and it ends up being one of those things you have to laugh at like someone stubbing their toe in a parking lot in front of you. 

 

SM : “Ok mom what happened I can hear it in your voice?”

 

WW: “Well something happened today while I was trying to sleep for work.  Now don’t worry I am not hurt but I had an incident involving the new bed.”

 

Now there is nothing about this that sounds very normal to me.  In fact I am tempted to grab a notebook to take notes for later because this is going to be promising.  This is because my mom has done nothing but complain since she got her new bed, so let me just back up for just a second to explain so we are all on the same page.

 

 For 30ish some odd years my parents have slept in a waterbed that sat on a frame that was two drawers high.  Add that to the tall sideboards, padded rails, and the actual waterbed mattress it ended up being up to my little mothers’ upper stomach.  It was hilarious to watch her get into it.  She did this little half roll thing to get in and out of it with a little hop to get up high enough to land in the bed.  Finally one day my parents decided that they were going to get with the times and get a normal bed.  I thought my mom was going to have a party because she would not have to hop/roll into the bed ever again. 

 

At last the new bed was delivered and I raced over to look at it.  I literally thought my mom was going to burst into tears for the first month they owned it and you mentioned bedtime.  I walked into the bedroom and instantly started to laugh.  It had the same type of bed stand with the drawers, a very large box spring and the mattress itself is 20 inches thick.  I offered my mom the use of my stepladder and she kicked me out of the house. 

 

So on with our story:

 

SM: “Mom what happened with the bed now?”

 

WW:  “Well I got up to go to the bathroom today like normal and I actually fell out of the bed.”

 

Now this is where I start giggling because I know my mom so well that this is not the end of the story.  Any other normal person this would have been it, but oh no not in my family there is always more to it.

 

WW: “Sunnymom just shut up and listen to me this was a traumatic thing that happened to me.”

 

I sniffed, took a long deep breath, gave up and just put my hand over the phone after telling my mom to continue.

 

WW: “You know that padded foot stool by the bed that Sugarbooger uses to get up into the bed?”

 

I think she could hear me just nodding because she did not even wait for a real response just a simple little squeak came out of me. 

 

WW: “When I fell out of the bed I bounced my head off of the stool and it threw me into the wall.  I hit my elbow on the closet and I am bruised. **sniff sniff**”

 

OMG the hand was off of the phone and I was in full on laugh mode.  Don’t tell me you expect me to be able to respond at that point.  I just keep seeing this cartoon version of my mom rolling and bouncing off the side of the bed after what is a long drop for my tiny mommy. 

 

WW: “You know I was just looking for some sympathy and it does not like I am going to get it from you!  Your father did not give any either he just asked if it I wanted to switch sides.  Where is my granddaughter?!?!”

 

All I could do was laugh some more with the idea of my dad just calling out to her and not even moving out of the bed.  (He works nights too so they are on the same sleep schedule.)  Finally I told her maybe she would get the sympathy from Tooters’ instead, so I took the phone into the bedroom since she was in bed for the night.  I was laughing so hard I just put the phone to her ear with out saying anything.  Then she said it,

 

T: “Wow Grandma you were not being very aware of your surroundings now were you!”

 

 A new round of laughing started on my end and I just walked out of the bedroom with the phone.  I turned around as I went to look at Tooters and the kid was still asleep, she managed to listen and respond without waking up at all. 

 

I got back on the phone and it was silent, I just could not understand it.  At this point I could not leave well enough alone, I called my mom back to see if there was something wrong with the phones or if she fell down again.  Wow you can really feel anger when you slam a phone down just the right way. 

 

See what did I tell you, kids really do pick up on the things that we say to them everyday.  If any of your other mommy friends ever doubt you just send them my way I now have proof.  We will just leave out the part that she did it in her sleep. 

 

 

The Gift That Won’t Quit Giving

Posted in anger, bills, blogging, Blogroll, cuteness, deadbeat dads, emotional, exhusbands, fall, family, frustration, funny picture, goals, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, horror, humor, iritation, kicking ass, KIDS, life, living alone, mom, parenting, personal, personality, pictures, random, resolutions, sick, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2009 by Iron Mom

As everyone is well aware of I am a divorced single working mom trying to survive paycheck to paycheck and not lose my mind in the mean time.  Well I had something happen last week that almost pushed me over the edge.  I once again received another “gift” from my ex-husband that I fondly refer to as the Donor.  That is basically all he is.  I thank him all the time for giving me the gift of Tooters but that is the only thing that I want to keep from him. 

 

I know I have ranted about it before but I just do not understand how someone can help create this beautiful and hilariously lively little girl then walk away without looking back.  Unless, his mom forces him to have contact or he is trying to look good for his new woman in his life.  But on the other hand I am selfish and get her all to myself to enjoy her everyday antics, frustrations, and love.  He has had no contact with her for over a year now and not seen her face to face in three.  As for child support, don’t even get me started on that one.

 

Anyways I was checking my email like I always do and I saw that I had an email from my old satellite company, Dish Network.  I have been getting emails from them since I had service with them way back when I was married.  I usually just delete it since I just figured they were advertisements trying to get my business again.  This time was different the subject line read, “View your estatement now!” 

 

What the hell?!?!?! What statement?? I have lived in Utah for over five years since leaving him and he was suppose to take my name off of all the bills.   So of course I called the company and asked how they could bill me for service I have not had in that long.  Here is what I got told,

 

“Well Mrs. Donor this is an outstanding bill for pay-per-view porn movies from 3 years ago.  You will need to pay this immediately or else we will be forced to send it to collections and it will go on your credit report.”

 

Now here is the thing, I have been in my house for over 4 years with cable because I cannot attach a satellite to the house per my landlord.  I, calmly as I could, explained this to them and even gave them the number to my cable to company if they wanted to verify that I have not even lived in the state of New Mexico since before the bill was accrued.  I probably used a few words that I shouldn’t have, but I was so beyond pissed I could not help it.  I think I could actually hear the first young lady on the phone blush a little bit.  To you young lady I am really sorry. 

 

Of course they declined and after I talked to several “supervisors” I got told they will do what they can to get my name off of the bill and send it to the Donor but they could not make any promises.  That actually asked me for his address.  I was at a loss for words by this point and told them just take the name off of the account and I do not watch smutt like that then hung up the phone before screaming and crying some more. 

 

The crying part actually pissed me off some more.  I know it is human to cry but I hate to personally because it feels like I am being weak.  Then I get even more pissed off at the Donor because he made me feel this way.  I usually let my pity party go on for a little while, pick myself back up, brush my tears away and regain my steel spine so I can continue on with my life.  I refuse to allow him to have that much power over me.  He had that power when we were married but not anymore!!!

 

So I have decided that this boil on the butt of humanity is like a bad gift that will not quit giving.  I cannot even call the ass because I do not know where he is at right now.  Really I don’t think he wants me to call him anyways because I have a lot of choice words for him that he probably does not want to hear. 

 

I actually feel better getting the words out and ranting a little bit, so now I am going to go home take out my anger on some weeds that need to be pulled then curl up with Tooters and watch some television.  If anyone out there runs into my ex please let him know that I am waiting for him with a ton of bills worth several thousands of dollar and a foot for his ass. 

 

 

My ass kicking shoes

My ass kicking shoes