Archive for the kicking ass Category

Not A Bright Shiny Moment

Posted in anger, co-workers, construction, emergency, entertainment, exercise, friends, frustration, fun, funny, healing, health, help, humor, job, kicking ass, life, personal, personality, random, thoughts, Uncategorized, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2009 by Iron Mom

Let’s play a little game called “What If?”  I’ll ask the questions and give my answer to it, then if you want to play too leave your answers in the comments. 

 What if there are a bunch of young muscular studs working really hard in the ware yard behind your office, do they need to be harassed?

 In my eyes anyone younger than me is fair game.  Of course I am going to bug them; it keeps them focused and they work harder to prove this lady wrong.

 What if they decided to harass you back? Do you amp up the remarks or walk away?

 Now who out there that knows me would even begin to think I would walk away from that.  Of course not, I amp it up and try to keep up with the guys, for some reason I feel like I have something to prove to the male species.

 What if  they start showing off by finding these big boards and trying to move them one person to a board, after they strip off the shirts and give you a good showing of their sweaty, young muscled bodies?

 Hell ya I am going to look!  I never walk away from a free show, especially one like that.  Don’t forget I am still making comments; I want to see just how far they will go on this fine afternoon of showing off.

 What if they get the brilliant idea that they need to break these boards to fit into the truck better just to show how strong they really are?

 Well more comments come out of my mouth and I continue to stand there enjoying the show the boy toys are putting on.  Come on ladies don’t tell me that you are not picturing all of this and drooling on your keyboards.  I was there and I still drool a little bit lol. 

 What if, in the spirit of things they dare you to try and break one of these half rotten boards?

 As soon as one of the young’un looks at me and says, “You think you’re so tough you get over here and try it!”  I am on my way to them.  There is no way in hell I am going to let them talk to me like that and not do anything about it.  I, again I am trying to keep up for some reason, step up and they pick out a pretty board for me to take a whack at.

 What if they were breaking the boards by kicking them but I want to out do the biggest guy and choose to hit it instead?

 I will tell you what happens, after the second punch to the board (it did not break with the first punch) your hand feels like it went through a meat grinder, tears well up in your eyes, you notice instant bruising but you maintain your cool in front of the boy toys.  Slowly as your hand is swelling inside your pocket you pretend your cell phone is ringing and walk away to take the important work call.

 What if you end up at the doctor the next morning because your hand won’t move and your knuckles look like they belong to a boxer?

 I humbly walk into the doctor with my hand wrapped in ice and my head hanging low just to be sent to the hospital for x-rays.  I return to the doctor to be informed that I flattened two knuckles and broke the bone going down the back of my hand from my ring finger.  I am splinted and referred to another doctor.

 What if you have to go home and face your family and boyfriend?  Do you lie or tell the truth?

 I am here to tell you that I should have thought about that before taking a pain pill and lying down on the couch for a while.  My boyfriend came in and asked me about it.  Of course I was loopy and told the truth.  He told me to make sure and not tell anyone I hit it twice it just sounds bad.  That is after he spent forever laughing at me.  He cannot understand why this 5 ft 4 woman of 135 lbs would ever try to keep up with guys that do that work for a living. 

 

So there you have it that is how I managed to break my hand a few weeks ago.  I went to the specialist last week and he found calcification in the last two knuckles from healing and one more spot in the back of my hand that is calcifying from the healing process that makes a total of what looked like 4 cracks.  He also informed me that I have a lot of soft tissue damage, changed me into another splint that immobilized my thumb and said come back in a month. 

 I am tough so comment away lol!!  I will say this much, next time I will make sure to get one of the rotten boards like the guys did.

 

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The Amazing Stranger & His Amazing Advice

Posted in anger, blogging, Blogroll, children, emotional, entertainment, family, friends, frustration, growing up, help, hope, horror, humor, iritation, kicking ass, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, random, shopping, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2009 by Iron Mom

Dear Asshat At The Store,

           Sir I would like to extend a warm fuzzy thank you for your wonderful advice at the store the other day.  The fact that you were so concerned about my daughter and me is very heartwarming.  You do not see that enough now days. 

          I know that the line we were in was very long and the store was hot so I understand the frustration you were expressing to your friend. Heck if one of my friends were there I would have made a couple of statements as well.  However just a slight suggestion, nothing compared to what you told me, next time you decide to let loose with a five minute rant about how slow the arthritic cashier is by loudly saying “f*ck” over and over again please try to be a little quieter.  My daughter is very smart and knows that that is not a good word but she does not need to hear it right in front of her for that long.  Neither did the toddlers behind me in line or the kids in the next lane.  I know they heard it too since you were talking loud enough for half the store to hear your frustration.

           Just remember you are visiting my town not the other way around.  I understand that our quaint little town depends on tourist like you for income but there is such a thing as respect.  Maybe that is why you offered me the highly valued advice that you did. 

          When I politely asked you to tone it down or lower your voice just a little bit, I was not trying to be critical.  If I came across rude when I finally asked you to “Shut the hell up!” I sincerely apologize.  Then when you turned around to me and opened your mouth I was in complete awe of what wisdom you bestowed upon me.  I will be sure to pass it on to all of mommy friends.

          “Bitch shut the f*ck up!  Your daughter is going to hear that word the rest of her life you better start anesthetizing her to it now.  So f*ck, f*ck, f*ckity, f*ck, f*ck!”

          Those words right there are just pure music to my ears.  The fact that you admitted you have no kids, when asked, and you are still able to help me out in this way is just phenomenal.  Honestly I have only been a single parent for over seven years now and never once did that line of thought come into my mind.  If you ever have kids in the future they will be so lucky to have you as a dad. 

          “Well sir, with your obvious extensive vocabulary you can take that word and go to hell!  I am not talking to you that way so return the respect…..f*cktard!”   Just slipped out of my mouth so I apologize for that too, since you were just trying to help me out with your advice. 

          Please enjoy the rest of your stay in our beautiful town and don’t forget to keep spreading your advice to other people you come across.  I really hope they receive it as well as I did or better. 

 

Sincerely,

 

The Eternally Grateful Mom At The Store.

 

P.S. My dad is a nurse in the emergency room, so when you do arrive there eventually call me and I will be right down to be by your side.  It is the least I can do for you……fucktard!!!

The Gift That Won’t Quit Giving

Posted in anger, bills, blogging, Blogroll, cuteness, deadbeat dads, emotional, exhusbands, fall, family, frustration, funny picture, goals, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, horror, humor, iritation, kicking ass, KIDS, life, living alone, mom, parenting, personal, personality, pictures, random, resolutions, sick, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2009 by Iron Mom

As everyone is well aware of I am a divorced single working mom trying to survive paycheck to paycheck and not lose my mind in the mean time.  Well I had something happen last week that almost pushed me over the edge.  I once again received another “gift” from my ex-husband that I fondly refer to as the Donor.  That is basically all he is.  I thank him all the time for giving me the gift of Tooters but that is the only thing that I want to keep from him. 

 

I know I have ranted about it before but I just do not understand how someone can help create this beautiful and hilariously lively little girl then walk away without looking back.  Unless, his mom forces him to have contact or he is trying to look good for his new woman in his life.  But on the other hand I am selfish and get her all to myself to enjoy her everyday antics, frustrations, and love.  He has had no contact with her for over a year now and not seen her face to face in three.  As for child support, don’t even get me started on that one.

 

Anyways I was checking my email like I always do and I saw that I had an email from my old satellite company, Dish Network.  I have been getting emails from them since I had service with them way back when I was married.  I usually just delete it since I just figured they were advertisements trying to get my business again.  This time was different the subject line read, “View your estatement now!” 

 

What the hell?!?!?! What statement?? I have lived in Utah for over five years since leaving him and he was suppose to take my name off of all the bills.   So of course I called the company and asked how they could bill me for service I have not had in that long.  Here is what I got told,

 

“Well Mrs. Donor this is an outstanding bill for pay-per-view porn movies from 3 years ago.  You will need to pay this immediately or else we will be forced to send it to collections and it will go on your credit report.”

 

Now here is the thing, I have been in my house for over 4 years with cable because I cannot attach a satellite to the house per my landlord.  I, calmly as I could, explained this to them and even gave them the number to my cable to company if they wanted to verify that I have not even lived in the state of New Mexico since before the bill was accrued.  I probably used a few words that I shouldn’t have, but I was so beyond pissed I could not help it.  I think I could actually hear the first young lady on the phone blush a little bit.  To you young lady I am really sorry. 

 

Of course they declined and after I talked to several “supervisors” I got told they will do what they can to get my name off of the bill and send it to the Donor but they could not make any promises.  That actually asked me for his address.  I was at a loss for words by this point and told them just take the name off of the account and I do not watch smutt like that then hung up the phone before screaming and crying some more. 

 

The crying part actually pissed me off some more.  I know it is human to cry but I hate to personally because it feels like I am being weak.  Then I get even more pissed off at the Donor because he made me feel this way.  I usually let my pity party go on for a little while, pick myself back up, brush my tears away and regain my steel spine so I can continue on with my life.  I refuse to allow him to have that much power over me.  He had that power when we were married but not anymore!!!

 

So I have decided that this boil on the butt of humanity is like a bad gift that will not quit giving.  I cannot even call the ass because I do not know where he is at right now.  Really I don’t think he wants me to call him anyways because I have a lot of choice words for him that he probably does not want to hear. 

 

I actually feel better getting the words out and ranting a little bit, so now I am going to go home take out my anger on some weeds that need to be pulled then curl up with Tooters and watch some television.  If anyone out there runs into my ex please let him know that I am waiting for him with a ton of bills worth several thousands of dollar and a foot for his ass. 

 

 

My ass kicking shoes

My ass kicking shoes