Archive for anger

A Million Emotions For Sale

Posted in anger, blogging, Blogroll, boss, children, co-workers, college, emergency, emotional, entertainment, exhusbands, fall, family, friends, frustration, goals, growing up, healing, help, hope, iritation, job, life, living alone, mom, parenting, personal, random, single mom, thoughts, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2009 by Iron Mom

OK here’s the deal I have spent a majority of my life trying to go against the grain. I never wanted to fit into the normal category and enjoyed being different. It did not always win me very many friends but the few friends I have love me for me and not for being like someone else.

Growing up I did not fit into just one click at school instead I floated from group to group just depending on who struck my fancy that day. I made sure that I did not dress like the popular cheerleader girls, aka the carbon copy Barbie dolls. Instead I just wore what I wanted and what was comfortable, I just did not care as long as it was cute.

Now dating is a different story. I have not really dated since I left my ex back in 2004. It just did not interest me. I mean why would I want to take the risk of getting tangled up with another ass just to have my heart broken over and over again. So obviously my marriage left me with issues.

I am not the typical woman. I don’t like chick flicks, instead I prefer lots and lots of blood and action. Chick flicks depress me because they are all basically the same and therefore boring. I would rather camp in the dirt and fish than sit around with girlfriends gossiping about the new clerk at the video store and his amazing butt while doing each others hair. That is just not my cup of tea. I also hate Valentine’s Day; it is just a waste of time and money. I swear it was created by the greeting card industry to make a mint off of all the suckers out there.

I prefer little thoughtful gifts that let me know he is really listening to me in lieu of big expensive crap. Don’t get me wrong I would love to get flowers at work but I am just a simple girl with simple tastes. I don’t own even one piece of lingerie because it is a waste of money and my house is not really overly girly. I am not saying I am butch or a tomboy of any sorts I just feel like I do not really fit into any one certain type of mold.

However there are certain aspects of me that are not that different from other people. Even though I hate to cry, I don’t like the feeling of weakness it gives me, I really am capable of it. I love to laugh and be close to certain people. I don’t like feeling that I am being pulled in a thousand different directions at the same time, so when I do feel that way I actually have a stressed out moment.

This brings me to what I am ultimately feeling today. I have this overwhelming feeling of failure. I am stretched so thin I am not sure I can handle much more. But being a woman I am sure I will fit something else into my life. It just seems that my spirits are low and that affects everything and everyone around me.

I am trying to make everyone around me happy and live up to his or her expectations but seem to be falling short at the moment, plus forgetting about myself. Then when I do think about me for just a moment I get to into my own head and I end up feeling worse than before.

I try to please my parents and even though they tell me they are very proud of me I always feel like some of my decisions they do not agree with and it ends up disappointing them. When I call just because I am not super bubbly on the phone, never really been bubbly to begin with, then there is a problem and I am depressed.

I have moments when I am not as patient as I can be with Tooters and that lets her down. I sit around with mommy guilt, hating myself because I chewed her out for misbehaving and made her cry. Don’t get me wrong I know she is trying to get out of trouble and she knows this trick works most of the time then I end up caving in. I also know that there are times she is going to be mad at me but I would rather avoid that all together. I also have the guilt over spending time with friends, studying, in school or working overtime in the summer because this takes time away from her.

I am trying to please everyone at the office and make sure his or her needs are met. I always end up with more tasks on my plate than I can get done in a day and end up making someone mad because their request has to wait.

 Just this morning one of the guys came in and chewed me out for getting his supplies delivered a day late, which was beyond my control it was a holiday yesterday with no deliveries. For some reason it was my fault and he let me know it without giving me a chance to explain it to him then stormed out of the office. I don’t know what came over me but I actually did start to cry just a little bit. One of the girls came in and asked me what was happening. She said you are Sunny you don’t cry and let the guys get to you. Holy crap now I am not allowed to have an emotional marble rolling around in my head at work either.

School is taking up a lot of time. Don’t get me wrong I love school but this week is just really packed with assignments and a big exam on Monday. I have to start re-applying for student loans really soon and register for next semester in a couple of weeks. Right now I do not even want to know what classes are up next.

I guess I am basically just stressed, stretched thin, emotional and a little whiny today. I don’t think that it helped much this morning when my best friend expressed concern over the new boyfriend, he did it in a way that was not exactly gentle and made me feel bad. To top it off this is the season when my divorce was final and it tends to get to me a little bit still.

 I think I have gotten everything out of my system and I actually do feel a little bit better for now. I just have to wait for the time when the house is quiet and Tooters is asleep to see if I end up in my head again and the stupid feelings start over again. I am sure that I will be all better tomorrow but I was getting to a point I could not breath and had to tell someone. Writing is always easier for me to express things rather than talking to someone, watching them roll their eyes at me then tell me that I have nothing to be upset over because look at all I have. Next person that tells me that today might want to duck I just might throw something at them.

So see I am different like I set out to be, but ended up being pretty normal at the same time. With that I am off to my next task for the day and I promise that my next post will be more uplifting. Maybe the funky mood is just going around right now because I am not the only blogger out there feeling this. Let just all go have a drink and forget the world for a while instead, my place at 8??

The Amazing Stranger & His Amazing Advice

Posted in anger, blogging, Blogroll, children, emotional, entertainment, family, friends, frustration, growing up, help, hope, horror, humor, iritation, kicking ass, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, random, shopping, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2009 by Iron Mom

Dear Asshat At The Store,

           Sir I would like to extend a warm fuzzy thank you for your wonderful advice at the store the other day.  The fact that you were so concerned about my daughter and me is very heartwarming.  You do not see that enough now days. 

          I know that the line we were in was very long and the store was hot so I understand the frustration you were expressing to your friend. Heck if one of my friends were there I would have made a couple of statements as well.  However just a slight suggestion, nothing compared to what you told me, next time you decide to let loose with a five minute rant about how slow the arthritic cashier is by loudly saying “f*ck” over and over again please try to be a little quieter.  My daughter is very smart and knows that that is not a good word but she does not need to hear it right in front of her for that long.  Neither did the toddlers behind me in line or the kids in the next lane.  I know they heard it too since you were talking loud enough for half the store to hear your frustration.

           Just remember you are visiting my town not the other way around.  I understand that our quaint little town depends on tourist like you for income but there is such a thing as respect.  Maybe that is why you offered me the highly valued advice that you did. 

          When I politely asked you to tone it down or lower your voice just a little bit, I was not trying to be critical.  If I came across rude when I finally asked you to “Shut the hell up!” I sincerely apologize.  Then when you turned around to me and opened your mouth I was in complete awe of what wisdom you bestowed upon me.  I will be sure to pass it on to all of mommy friends.

          “Bitch shut the f*ck up!  Your daughter is going to hear that word the rest of her life you better start anesthetizing her to it now.  So f*ck, f*ck, f*ckity, f*ck, f*ck!”

          Those words right there are just pure music to my ears.  The fact that you admitted you have no kids, when asked, and you are still able to help me out in this way is just phenomenal.  Honestly I have only been a single parent for over seven years now and never once did that line of thought come into my mind.  If you ever have kids in the future they will be so lucky to have you as a dad. 

          “Well sir, with your obvious extensive vocabulary you can take that word and go to hell!  I am not talking to you that way so return the respect…..f*cktard!”   Just slipped out of my mouth so I apologize for that too, since you were just trying to help me out with your advice. 

          Please enjoy the rest of your stay in our beautiful town and don’t forget to keep spreading your advice to other people you come across.  I really hope they receive it as well as I did or better. 

 

Sincerely,

 

The Eternally Grateful Mom At The Store.

 

P.S. My dad is a nurse in the emergency room, so when you do arrive there eventually call me and I will be right down to be by your side.  It is the least I can do for you……fucktard!!!

The Gift That Won’t Quit Giving

Posted in anger, bills, blogging, Blogroll, cuteness, deadbeat dads, emotional, exhusbands, fall, family, frustration, funny picture, goals, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, horror, humor, iritation, kicking ass, KIDS, life, living alone, mom, parenting, personal, personality, pictures, random, resolutions, sick, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2009 by Iron Mom

As everyone is well aware of I am a divorced single working mom trying to survive paycheck to paycheck and not lose my mind in the mean time.  Well I had something happen last week that almost pushed me over the edge.  I once again received another “gift” from my ex-husband that I fondly refer to as the Donor.  That is basically all he is.  I thank him all the time for giving me the gift of Tooters but that is the only thing that I want to keep from him. 

 

I know I have ranted about it before but I just do not understand how someone can help create this beautiful and hilariously lively little girl then walk away without looking back.  Unless, his mom forces him to have contact or he is trying to look good for his new woman in his life.  But on the other hand I am selfish and get her all to myself to enjoy her everyday antics, frustrations, and love.  He has had no contact with her for over a year now and not seen her face to face in three.  As for child support, don’t even get me started on that one.

 

Anyways I was checking my email like I always do and I saw that I had an email from my old satellite company, Dish Network.  I have been getting emails from them since I had service with them way back when I was married.  I usually just delete it since I just figured they were advertisements trying to get my business again.  This time was different the subject line read, “View your estatement now!” 

 

What the hell?!?!?! What statement?? I have lived in Utah for over five years since leaving him and he was suppose to take my name off of all the bills.   So of course I called the company and asked how they could bill me for service I have not had in that long.  Here is what I got told,

 

“Well Mrs. Donor this is an outstanding bill for pay-per-view porn movies from 3 years ago.  You will need to pay this immediately or else we will be forced to send it to collections and it will go on your credit report.”

 

Now here is the thing, I have been in my house for over 4 years with cable because I cannot attach a satellite to the house per my landlord.  I, calmly as I could, explained this to them and even gave them the number to my cable to company if they wanted to verify that I have not even lived in the state of New Mexico since before the bill was accrued.  I probably used a few words that I shouldn’t have, but I was so beyond pissed I could not help it.  I think I could actually hear the first young lady on the phone blush a little bit.  To you young lady I am really sorry. 

 

Of course they declined and after I talked to several “supervisors” I got told they will do what they can to get my name off of the bill and send it to the Donor but they could not make any promises.  That actually asked me for his address.  I was at a loss for words by this point and told them just take the name off of the account and I do not watch smutt like that then hung up the phone before screaming and crying some more. 

 

The crying part actually pissed me off some more.  I know it is human to cry but I hate to personally because it feels like I am being weak.  Then I get even more pissed off at the Donor because he made me feel this way.  I usually let my pity party go on for a little while, pick myself back up, brush my tears away and regain my steel spine so I can continue on with my life.  I refuse to allow him to have that much power over me.  He had that power when we were married but not anymore!!!

 

So I have decided that this boil on the butt of humanity is like a bad gift that will not quit giving.  I cannot even call the ass because I do not know where he is at right now.  Really I don’t think he wants me to call him anyways because I have a lot of choice words for him that he probably does not want to hear. 

 

I actually feel better getting the words out and ranting a little bit, so now I am going to go home take out my anger on some weeds that need to be pulled then curl up with Tooters and watch some television.  If anyone out there runs into my ex please let him know that I am waiting for him with a ton of bills worth several thousands of dollar and a foot for his ass. 

 

 

My ass kicking shoes

My ass kicking shoes

Remember It Is My Way

Posted in anger, Blogroll, emotional, entertainment, frustration, fun, healing, help, humor, iritation, life, limp bizkit, music, personal, personality, random, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized, video with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 9, 2009 by Iron Mom

For some reason the last week or so I have been in a crabby mood. It seems a lot of stupid little things irritate me and I don’t know why. Maybe I am PMS’ing or I am having a chocolate deficiency, who knows. Anyways when I get into a funk like this I love to listen to some good old fashion fast angry music. So right now I am really on a Limp Bizkit kick, I love me some Fred Durst!!! I was listening/blasting my CD in my car while running errands the other day and my favorite song by them came on, “My Way”. It just says everything that I want to scream to the world and especially to certain people. I am going to attempt to post it below and be patient the intro takes a few seconds and then the song starts. Really listen to the words and tell me if that does not apply to people you know at some point in time. Right now it is my personal anthem and cannot get enough of it. I am sure when I get out of this mood I will be back to my funky music, so enjoy.

To Be, Or Not To Be A Hottie??

Posted in angels, anger, Blogroll, children, cute kid questions, cuteness, emotional, entertainment, exercise, family, fitness, friends, frustration, fun, funny, funny things kids do, giving, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, horror, humor, KIDS, life, living alone, mom, parenting, personal, personality, random, school, sick, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized, winter with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 30, 2009 by Iron Mom

Recently Tooters came home from school and informed me that there were two new boys at her school.  One is in 1st and the other is in kindergarten.  Well these two boys are very taken with Tooters, especially the younger one.  They have become thick as thieves at school.  Tooters even told me that one of her friends is the girlfriend to the older one and some jealous mean girl tried to break them up.  Oh the drama is starting already. 

 

Anyways the other day Tooters’ and I rode our bikes to her school. This has become our daily thing when it is not SNOWING.  Do you hear me Mother Nature quit PMS’ing and give me back my spring weather. She parked her bike I talked to my friend Dolly for a while then got on my bike to ride back to work.  Everything seemed just fine with the world. 

 

The end of the school day rolled around and back down to the school I rode to get Tooters’ and her bike, then back to work we would go so I could finish up some paperwork.  I wanted to hurry and get it done so we could get the 3.8-mile ride home finished before dark.  I told you that Tooters’ is trying to kill me riding that much in a day!!!!

 

We get back to my office and she pulls out her homework but looks like she has a load on her mind.  I just let her think about it for a while, I want her to come to me to talk about stuff when she is good and ready no pressure.  Sure enough pretty soon she tells me that we need to have a talk. 

 

T – “Mom you know my new friend in my class?” (This is the younger of the 2 boys)

 

M – “Yes, I thought you were such good friends and played together everyday?”

 

T- “We do, but something happened today and it hurt my feelings really bad.”

 

 M- “Are you going to tell me what it is?  I cannot help you figure out a solution if you do not tell me what happened.”

 

T- “He kept calling me a name all day.  He even chased me on the playground singing it and would not stop when I asked him to.  Mom it hurt my feelings!”

 

At this point her whole face just crumpled and she started to cry.  I am not talking just a few tears I am talking about the huge, super hurt, heartbreaking, flowing, alligator tears.  I scooped her up into my lap, rubbing her back while I tried to calm her down. 

 

M- “Honey just take a deep breath and tell me what he said.  I am sure we can figure this out together.”

 

T- “M-m-m-mom he kept saying (hiccup) all day (hiccup/burp) Tooters is a hottie!  Tooters is a hottie! (hiccup/cough).  It-it-it made me feel b-b-bad! (hiccup/hiccup) WWWAAAHHHH!!!!”

 

I just looked at her and thought to myself do not laugh at this little girl it will crush her even more.  Holy little girl drama batman, what do I do?  How I did not burst out laughing I am not sure, things got a little hazy at this point lol.  Calmly I explained to her what a hottie was, and that he was not saying it to be mean.  Suddenly the clouds parted, angels sang and she was bright and shiny again.  Tooters hopped off my lap and went back to her homework like nothing happened. 

 

Well I could not resist, that night I called the boys mother and told her what happened.  She is from the south and pretty proper but that is part of why I like her, she was horrified.  She said boys aren’t suppose to call girls that and she would talk to her son.  The boy’s mother told him not to use that word while I was on the phone and this was his response:

 

“Mom calling her pretty is boring and beautiful is to old fashion.  I am being hip!”

 

She was speechless and I just told her I would talk to her in the morning.  If I did not hang up the phone when I did I was going to lose it.  I thank God everyday for my Tooters, but on days like this with this much entertainment I thank him a million times over!!!! 

 

Open Post To The Service Man That Left Me Hanging

Posted in anger, Blogroll, co-workers, construction, early morning, emergency, emotional, family, frustration, goals, growing up, help, hope, horror, humor, job, life, personal, personality, pictures, random, sick, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 17, 2009 by Iron Mom

Dear Service Men/Women,

 

I would like to send out a huge thank you for everything that you do for us common folks that need you to get by on a daily basis.  With out you I would have no health care, cable, phone, Internet, and a million other services that require you to show up at my house or for me to wait in your office. 

 

However with all these wonderful things that you do for everyone everyday do you think it is ok to make us wait on you no matter how long it is??  I mean believe it or not I do have a life that I like to enjoy.  For some reason the idea of sitting around and waiting in a little stuffy waiting room with a squirmy child and listening to other screaming kids is not my idea of a fun afternoon. 

 

Just because I happen to need some work done inside my house that I need to be home for, does that mean my time is not as important as yours??  All I ask is for you to give me a better idea of what time you will be there rather than between 8 and 5.  Some of us really do have jobs and/or a family that needs to be taken care of.  Do you not realize that the less time I spend at my job earning money that means I have that much less to give to you??

 

You know if I could fix my pipes, hook up my own cable, cure my own cold or do the other things that you do, you would lose your job??  So instead of pissing people off and making them wait endless hours and losing hourly wages, up your costumer service and show up on time or pin point a time you will be there.  Don’t over book yourselves just to try and squeeze as many billable hours in as possible into one day.  Maybe next time that I am spending a whole day at home waiting on a service person I might just read a book on how to do it myself and just get it done quickly. 

 

I do however understand that there will always be things that need attention that I cannot possibly do or have the education required to perform that task.  So in these particular cases please do not talk down to me just because you went to some big fancy college.  I may not have the money that you do, the degree, or the knowledge of what you are doing, but that does not mean I don’t have the capacity to understand if explained when I ask about it.  Also does this mean that your time is more precious than mine or worth more?? 

 

I really do want to thank you for what you do and if we can all come up with a compromise for these few problems that I mentioned I think a lot of stress can be alleviated.   I am sure you can find me if you really want to discuss these problems just check your voice mail for an irate customer that was left waiting for you and you did not show up or the service was not provided properly.  I can also be found in every state and every city in the country. 

 

Sincerely,

 

The Bitchy Customer Left Hanging

 

P.S. If anyone out there can relate to any of this please feel free to leave comments at the bottom!!

Snow Snow GO AWAY!!!

Posted in anger, Blogroll, children, christmas, clothes, cute kid questions, cuteness, dog, emotional, family, frustration, fun, funny, funny picture, funny things kids do, growing up, health, help, holiday, hope, humor, job, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, pets, pictures, random, seasons, sick, snow, thoughts, Uncategorized, winter, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2008 by Iron Mom

Brrrr!!!!

Out my window at work!! Brrrr

Well it looks like we are going to have a white Christmas after all here at the Nuthouse.  I have decided my household needs a name since I get tired of listing all of us lol.  It has been snowing off and on for days now, and you know I am about over it.  Luckily my dad likes to come over in the mornings and shovel my driveway for me so I can get out for work.  Bless you Wanderer!!!!!

 

 

Speaking of shoveling Tooters did something that I wanted to share, and believe me I am not really thrilled about it.  My dad called me at work yesterday and asked me to come give him a ride home since he locked his keys in the car at the store.  So naturally the good daughter that I am got up and ran out the door to rescue him.  When I pulled up to the car there stands my mom shivering, my dad looking a little frustrated, and Tooters busy shoveling snow next to the car with the mini snow shovel my dad bought for her.  She was very proud that she was clearing a path for her grandma. 

 

After we got the keys taken care of I returned to work to finish out the day.  Late in the afternoon it started to rain.  Now I don’t know about the rest of you but I always thought when it got to freezing the snow was suppose to come down not the rain.  Anyways it was like 25 degrees, windy and raining.  I called to ask Tooters if it was raining out her window too, it is an on going thing we do making sure if it is snowing at my work it is snowing at the house.  However the Wanderer informed me that Tooters was too busy to come to the phone.  Here I am thinking that Hannah Montana is taking priority over me and I got a little hurt.  Usually when she hears me on the phone she comes running to talk to me, but not this time.  Naturally I had to ask what she was doing and this is what the Wanderer told me:

 

“Your daughter is busy outside shoveling the snow in the grass so that the dogs have a path to walk on so they can go pee.”

 

Now I can just imagine the whole scene in my head and start to laugh.  Tooters is probably shoveling as fast as she can and there is Sugerbooger my mom’s dog bouncing around outside of the path playing in the snow.  It is funny to watch her do this because she is a very small white Pomeranian that cannot walk in the snow she has to bounce through it.  Dusty-Do is behind Tooters in the cleared path watching her, but only for a moment and high tailing it back into the house.  She is like the Wonder Pup she does not like the snow. 

 

Then it dawned on me that it is raining and I let the Wanderer know this, you know just incase he forgot kids need to be in the house in the rain.  He told me he knew but she has her hat on and is having fun.  You know there is just no winning some days where grandpa is concerned. 

 

This morning we woke up to even more snow and Tooters was ecstatic because now she had a real excuse to use her new shovel.  So this morning instead of my dad shoveling the driveways I did it with lots of “help” from my little one.  By the time I finished my driveway and his I was frozen.  I took a second to look at my handy work and I started giggling.  There are straight consistent lines where I had shoveled across the driveway and on top of it are all these wild lines where Tooters had helped.  When my dad came out to see why we had not come in the house yet and Tooters ran up to him saying, “Boy grandpa aren’t you glad you bought me this shovel now you do not have to clear the driveway any more, me and my mom can!!!” 

 

Holy freaking crap I think I just got volunteered for a new job the rest of the winter because the shit eating grin on my dad’s face said it all.  So everyone next time it snows please take pity on me and send lots of warm thoughts for my poor tortured toes!! 

 

I posted some more pictures below that are out my window at work from yesterday right before we got dumped on again.  Everyone stay safe for Christmas with all the bad weather and stay warm.

Snowy work snowy-work-3