Archive for health

Please Silence The Back-Seat Instructor

Posted in anger, Billy Blanks, children, clothes, cute kid questions, cuteness, dog, early morning, emotional, exercise, family, fire, fitness, friends, frustration, fun, funny, funny things kids do, goals, growing up, healing, health, help, hope, horror, humor, Jillian Michaels, kickboxing, KIDS, life, parenting, personal, personality, pets, random, sick, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 13, 2009 by Iron Mom

I honestly do not know what has gotten into me lately but I have decided that I am not busy enough in my life at the Nuthouse, here is why.  As of yesterday I am now a half time college student starting classes this summer.  Why I picked that time I really don’t know since that is the start of fire season.  Fire season for me is pure hell.  I work my regular job plus back up dispatch for the fire center, which means a lot of night shifts.  But I cannot pass up all of the easy overtime no matter how zombie like I am during the day.  Well at least I can study all I want at night when it is quiet. 

 

Since I am finally no longer sick, I have had a bad cold for 2 months now, I have decided to throw myself back into exercising.  However since I work ten-hour days I struggled with how I was going to squeeze in a work out on the days I am working.  Then it hit me, since I am an insomniac I should get up before the butt crack of dawn and put in one of my work out DVD’s.  This was just a brilliant plan until Monday morning came along and the alarm clock went off at 4:30.  What in the hell what I thinking?  Naturally I hit the snooze button a couple of times, but I had forgotten I set a back up alarm the night before.  So at 4:50 Tooters’ alarm clock in her room started going off.  Bless that child she has learned wonderful things from me and hit the snooze button on her clock too lol. 

 

I actually did get up 5 minutes later and stumbled into the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot so it would be ready by the time I was done.  I got dressed and Tooters followed me out to the living room to see what I was up to.  This always stresses me out a little bit because she is a back-seat instructor and the dog wants to play.  I told Tooters she could be in the room with me but she either had to exercise with me or stay quiet.  I plugged in Jillian Michael’s kickboxing and went about my business.  I hate her at the time but I do believe I have a little girl crush on her especially after The Biggest Loser. 

 

Pretty soon I glanced behind me to check on my kiddo and there she is relaxing on the couch with the blanket up to her chin and her hand over her mouth.  That snot is doing everything that she can not to laugh at me out loud.  I swear to you that she was the prettiest shade of purple and I just knew that she was going to explode before to long.  This was really not the best time for me to see this since I was hot and panting like the dog.  Then here came the comments:

 

“Mom you are not keeping up with Jillian.”

 

“Mom you are not kicking high enough.” 

 

“Mom you are supposed to move your hands like Jillian.”

 

“Why are you stopping the DVD is not over yet?”

 

“They are not stopping for water, and why are you bent over like that?”

 

“What is that look for I am just trying to help?”

 

Finally I told her to come and show me how it is done since she is proving to be the expert.  OMG I thought I was going to die laughing at how hard she was trying but just not quite getting it right.  She gets an “A” for effort in my book though.  After it was finished and we were getting ready to leave the house she informed me that we need to practice, of course I agreed and herded her out the door.

 

We got to my office around 6am and the poor thing was plain worn out when we got there.  She pushed two chairs together, balled up her jacket for a pillow, curled up under the blanket I keep at my desk and went back to sleep until it was time for school.  It was adorable and horrible at the same time.  I would have given my left toe to be back asleep like that.

 

This morning as sore as I was I decided that I would get up at the same time and work out to Billy Blanks ab boot camp.  You know I hate all of these fitness people at the time because I am hurting and realizing that I just cannot keep up so I blast my music while they are on mute.  In my mind it eases the pain.  Well I hit snooze as usual but this time Tooters pushed her cold little toes into my leg (she sneaks into my bed regularly) and told me to get up it is time to exercise.  I could not let my daughter who looks up to me think I am some kind of wimp, so I forced me and my jello legs out of bed and got dressed.

 

Thank goodness Tooters decided to do the whole routine with me instead of staying on the couch.  She said that this is because she can do the floor exercises easier.  We got about ten minutes into it and I was starting to get hot so I pealed off my shirt and was down to my sports bra (no safety pins today) and sweat pants.  Man am I a site to behold in this get up.  I am glad that most of the world is still asleep at this time and not driving pass my partially open windows seeing my tummy bouncing around.  Tooters suddenly looked at me and said that she just cannot exercise this way and disappeared down the hall.  This was ok because this meant that the Wonder Pup would follow her and there would be no laughing when I start huffing and puffing like the Big Bad Wolf in Tigger sweat pants. 

 

After a couple of minutes I could hear her running up the hallway and hollering that she was coming.  She rounded the corner and I thought I was going to die.  Tooters had changed out of her nightclothes and put on bright pink sweat pants with her bikini top that looks like my sports bra.  She even put on her tennis shoes and announced that now she could properly finish her work out.  She really uses the word properly a lot.  Holy crap on a cracker (still my favorite saying) she kicked my ass on the floor exercises!!!  This is very sad that I was out done by a 6 year old.  There will be a funeral for my ego in the near future.

 

This put me to so much shame that I think tonight I will “forget” to set her alarm clock and just sneak out of bed to do my stuff alone.  My luck she will jump up and join me anyways.  So please say a prayer for me that I will be able to still move in the morning and that I do not strangle the backseat instructor on the couch. 

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The 2009 Mommy List

Posted in anger, Blogroll, boss, children, clothes, cuteness, dog, emotional, family, friends, frustration, fun, funny, funny things kids do, giving, giving generousity, goals, growing up, healing, health, help, holiday, hope, humor, job, KIDS, life, mom, new years, parenting, personal, personality, pets, pictures, quit smoking, random, resolutions, seasons, shopping, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized, winter, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2009 by Iron Mom

As a mother I am accustomed to giving up things for Tooters on a daily basis.  Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining in the least, but I have recently sat down and really looked at what needs I have that are just not being met.  Which is totally my fault and I actually love the joy it brings me to give up something so that I can put a smile on Tooters face.  Even if me and my sanity suffer in the long run.

 

This brought me to thinking about my New Year’s resolutions.  Does anyone ever really fulfill their resolutions or just talk about them for 6 months before only to be forgotten with in weeks of the New Year?  So instead of making some ridiculous resolution list that I am going to bag in a few weeks then spend my time feeling guilty about.  I decided to make a realistic mommy list of things that I am going to do for myself throughout the year that I neglect regularly.  After reviewing my list I think all mom’s both married and single should make one. Here are the ten top things I am going to do for myself in 2009.

 

1.     Go bra shopping before I am down to the only one that I own that is held together by safety pins.

 

 Yes sadly to say I am sitting here in a bra that I am praying will make it another couple of weeks and no one thinks the funny lump under my shirt is a nipple piercing.  I already have purple and black hair and tattoo’s, I don’t need people looking at me like I am a complete freak. (Personally I hate to shop for a new bra it is a waste of precious time that I could spend on other activities.)

 

2.     Take an extra few minutes in the morning to actually enjoy a hot shower, and maybe even use the different settings on the showerhead.  Shut up you perverts not for that!!

 

I totally race through my showers and even have it down to getting in and out before a full song can play on my stereo.

 

3.     Let the dishes pile up in the sink for a night so that I can enjoy a hot cup of tea and read a grown up book.  Again perverts keep it in check, I am talking about my murder mystery books.

 

As much as I love to read Dr. Suess or Fancy Nancy to Tooters it would be nice to get back to reading the types of book I did before she was born.  At least more than one or two pages at a time, which is what I do now before Tooters demands my attention.

 

4.     Find time to exercise in peace without Tooters trying to imitate me and the Wonder Pup thinking it is playtime. 

 

Tooters loves it when I pull out my exercise DVD’s, because after giving it a 5 minute effort to keep up she just ends up laughing at me and asking why I am not doing it like the ladies on the DVD.  The Wonder Pup thinks she is helping every time I do the floor exercises by jumping on my stomach that is already sore. 

 

5.     Buy myself a new pair of jeans that actually fits so that I don’t look like some saggy ass stoner from behind. 

 

In the last year I have lost a little over 50 pounds and now none of my clothes fit properly.  They either are falling off of my body or the last 2 pairs that do some what fit are starting to fray.  I am a little afraid every time I bend down that my thighs or ass are going to come flying out.  Heck I might as well add a new shirt while I am at it.  I look like Omar the tent maker is my stylist.

 

6.     Buy new underwear that fit and are not full of holes. 

 

Again since the weight-loss I have not invested in new underwear, another waste of time for me.  However now I have the biggest granny panties you have ever seen and I need suspenders just to keep them up.  Maybe I could just hook them to my safety pins on my bra and start a new trend.  Not to mention that most have holes in them and I have to be careful where I grip them to pull them up.

 

7.     Grocery shop in peace.

 

All you mothers out there know what I am talking about so I will not elaborate on this one.

 

8.     Go to bed early. 

 

Instead of trying to pick up toys, straighten the house, or squeeze in one more load of laundry just bag it all and go to bed right after Tooter’s is asleep.  I am an insomniac but sometimes it would be nice to see what it is like to be able to be in bed for more than 5 or 6 hours in a single night even if I end up watch late night T.V.

 

9.     Ban Miley Cyrus from my car stereo.

 

Tooters and I love good loud music (is there any other kind) when we are in the car, but when I am on main street and she has her window down I tend to slump down in my seat and if I am wearing a hat pull it a little lower.  People tend to notice me before seeing my 6 year old in the back seat and I end up looking like an old freak.  You know sometimes I just need a good old fashion cuss fill grown up song to rock out to.

 

10. Quit smoking for good this time.

 

Oh hell I had to have at least one hard one in there.  I know I quit a few months ago but the holidays are so hard for me I could not take it and started up in the last month.  So I broke out the anti-strangle everyone patches and slapped one on.  I even let Tooters break my last two smokes and throw them away. 

 

So there you go there is my list.  I know this post was kind of long for me and I apologize but I just had to share.  I would love for some of you mommies out there to share what would be on your mommy list.  Happy New Year’s everybody I hope it is a good one!!!

Trying to look happy for a Monday!!

Trying to look happy for a Monday!!

Are You A Freddy or A Jason???

Posted in Blogroll, children, cleansing, costumes, emergency, emotional, family, fire, freddy krueger, friends, frustration, fun, funny, growing up, halloween, healing, health, help, horror, humor, jason vorhees, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, personality, pets, random, scary movie, sick, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2008 by Iron Mom

In my opinion in life there are two kinds of people in the world.  You have your Jason people and your Freddy people.  What this means is which horror franchise do you prefer?  Are you the type of person that prefers the Freddy Kruger movies or do you like the Friday the 13th movies?  I believe this is directly related to your personality.  Just keep reading and see what I mean.

Freddy Kruger is gruesome to look at, but you just cannot turn away you have to keep looking at the overall look fascinated by the effect.  This means you are curious and not afraid of a little gore so you are a strong soul.  Freddy starts out with the basic slash of the young pretty girl but he evolves into much more.  His killing style becomes creative even jocular as the later movies come out.  This means that you are artistic and not afraid to take risks in life and you like to be thought provoking.  Freddy stalks his prey and toys with them if he does not get them the first time.  You are patient and if you do not mind trying over and over again to get what you want.  This also means that you are playful and do not mind a side trip now and again.

Jason actually was not in the first movie it was really his mother is concealed behind a mask.  This keeps you guessing and wondering what is behind it.  This means that you do not take people at face value you look beyond that and try to see what they are hiding.  He stalks his victims and seems to mostly stick to his determined gait.  This means you are focused you know where you are going even if it takes you a while.  His killing style is to slash and stab.  This means that you are direct and you cut to the chase so to speak and get it over with quickly.

Now for the weapons of choice.  Freddy has his signature glove with the knives.  However he also invades your dreams and kills from there.  This means that you are a deep thinker and a bit of a dreamer.  You like to use your hands but only for fun and art not for the dirty work.  This does not mean you are lazy you just have a different way of looking at the world.

Jason prefers the machete.  He stalks his prey and then slashes and stabs.  This means you have a direct purpose for what you do and how you do things.  He also sticks to the woods.  This means that you are not afraid of the outdoors or getting dirty. 

So which type of person are you?  Are you a Freddy or a Jason?  Personally I am a Freddy all the way.  I even have a collector’s edition box set of all the movies on VHS still in the wrapper that has never been watched.  I know what a nerd, but leave me alone that is my man.  As you can guess I am a little warped.  So leave a comment at the bottom and let me know what you are.  Happy Halloween.

 

 

 

Super Mom To The Rescue

Posted in anger, Barbie, Blogroll, children, cleansing, Dolls, emergency, emotional, family, fire, friends, frustration, fun, funny, growing up, healing, health, help, humor, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, pets, quit smoking, random, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2008 by Iron Mom

Wow we had an exciting night here in my part of the world.  Everything was going fine last night, Tooters was in bed sleeping and I was having some mommy time watching Biggest Loser while I exercised.  You know for some reason when I watch that show I always have the extra huge urge to amp up my exercises, I just don’t know why lol.  At the end of the episode I sat my sweaty self down to cool off and enjoy another bottle of Master Cleanse, yummy its tonsil burning good ;-p.

 

Just as I was cooling off and thinking of the warm new flannel sheets I had just put on my bed the silence was shattered by a gazillion sirens.  OMG it sounded like the world was coming to an end they just would not stop.  Just when I thought I could go to bed another round would race up the road.  Curiosity finally got the best of me and I just had to go and take a look.  So across the street I went in my tinker bell pajama pants, purple fuzzy slippers, and a cozy fluffy green bathrobe.  Boy if I was going to attract a man this was not the night.

 

I finally found out through my contacts working the area it was a fire in the creek bottom and the sheriff’s officer told me to go pack stuff I want to take with me incase I needed to evacuate at a moments notice.  I mean the fire was blazing and the wind was gusting up to 50 mph right towards my house.  The fire was only about a block away.  I got back to the house and did what I had to do then sat down to wait. 

 

But wouldn’t you know it the sirens would not stop.  Now they were racing up and down the road like they were drag racing.  Of course this woke up Tooters.  She is not freaked out by emergency stuff because my mom works for the Sheriff’s office and I work for emergency fire and the forest fires.  Once she caught site of the fire up the road that did worry her a little bit.  So I called my mom and told her to go for a ride with me because there was a several hundred-acre fire going on on the other side of town.  I thought if I could show Tooters how far I had to drive to get to the fire it would make her feel better.  Plus I figured the car ride would either calm Tooters down to be away from the fire by our house or put her back to sleep.   

 

Well I ended up taking her back to my mom’s house for the night because I got called into work and I had to race over to a friend’s house to help her pack because she might be evacuated too. 

 

Just as I was dropping Tooters and my mom off Tooters got very serious and made me promise to do something for her.  All she wanted me to do was go back to my house for a couple of things for her.  She wanted her new Barbie with the dogs, the Barbie her uncle bought for her, and her favorite doll she has been carrying around since Christmas.  The darn thing is named Sarabell Lavinia Chandelier —–.  What a mouth full for a six year old. 

 

I asked her if she was worried about the Wonder Pup and she said, “You are a good mommy you would not let anything bad happen to her, I trust you will get her out too!”

 

I thought it was so cute that she picked those items that had been bought for her by very special people to save first.

 

 My mom snuck into another room from Tooters and called me this morning at dispatch to let me know that Tooters talked about those things all night in her sleep.  What she did not know is when I ran to the house to get her school clothes for today I snuck those items into her bag just so Tooters knows I really do listen to her.   Then my cell phone rang and it was Tooters telling me how much she loved me because I saved her babies.  Needless to say today I am on cloud nine knowing that my daughter thinks I am the hero of the Barbie’s and babies.  Just think I don’t even need to fly I just needed my Kia with the spare tire on it instead of a cape lol.

Little Kid in a Big Body

Posted in Blogroll, children, cleansing, costumes, emotional, family, friends, frustration, fun, funny, growing up, halloween, healing, health, help, humor, KIDS, life, parenting, personal, quit smoking, random, sick, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2008 by Iron Mom

I know this is highly unusual that I am posting twice in one day but I am so excited Tooters and I received our costumes in the mail today.  Halloween falls on a Friday and since the state of Utah has decide we all need to work 4 10 hour shifts I am off to help at the school with their party.  You know I love having a little one in the house because it gives me the excuse to be a big kid. 

 

So, this year Tooters and I have decided to come up with a theme for our costumes.  Yes this means I am dressing up too.  We found a wonderful website that has great costumes that do not cost an arm and a leg. 

 

Tooters is going to be a cute spider witch, I will post a picture of both costumes at the bottom, and I will be a spider pixie. (The pictures are the costumes not us in them that will be later)  Now Tooters is going to look adorable as usual I just need to figure out what to do with her hair and make up.  Then I am going to squeeze my big old self into the pixie costume and pray I do not bust any seems or scare anyone away.  Then I need to decide how to do my make up.  My hair is simple it is short enough to spike, it is black and has purple streaks in it. 

 

Here is my other problem.  My friend has decided that we need to split a baby-sitter and go out to a costume party at one of the local bars that has a very good local band playing.  This is where it gets hard for me, I do not go out and the last time I was at a bar was a year ago.  I always feel awkward and out of place with all of the couples around me.  Plus with my diets and cleansing I do not drink or smoke. 

 

My friend assures me that it will be fine and we can lean on each other for security.  She is just like me, never goes out to the bars and has a hard time in crowds.  She is my friend that is single, divorced, with a daughter at home.  Either we will have a great time and party it up on our very rare night out as adults or we will end up doing what we did the other night.  We went to the movies and instead of going out afterwards we went back to her house for herbal tea and turned in early.  OMG I am turning into an old lady AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

 

So wish me luck on Halloween.  Between the school party, trick-or-treating with the kids, and then the adult party afterwards I am going to be beat on Saturday.  I do have to say I am kind of looking forward to it.  Maybe I am growing and finally realizing it is ok to have a night out like that with out feeling guilty.  After all I am human and single after all.  I will definitely let ya’ll know how it went.  I am sure I will have a couple of new stories for the blog lol.   

 

 

Tooters' spider witch dress with webby wings

Tooters

My spider pixie wings are webs like Tooter's sleeves

My spider pixie wings are webs like Tooter

P.S. This has relit the fire under my butt to re-start my cleanse and stick to it. Even if it kills me lol. 

 

 

Just A Little Help From A Wonderful Friend

Posted in anger, Blogroll, children, cleansing, emotional, family, friends, frustration, funny, growing up, healing, health, help, humor, KIDS, life, parenting, personal, quit smoking, random, sick, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2008 by Iron Mom

I have to send out a huge hug and a very big thanks to one of my good friends today.  Sunday I was attacked by the stomach flu.  Every time I moved or stood up it felt like someone had stabbed me in the tummy and off to the porcelain goddess I would run.   Thankfully Tooters’ is a wonderful kid and she spent most of the day bringing me water and taking my temperature.  For some reason this gives her great pleasure when I am sick to stick that thermometer into my arm pit every chance she gets.  Hey if it keeps her happy then bring it on little one lol.  She also is very good about watching Disney (thank god for Zack and Cody) and coloring.  I almost cried when she made me a get well card all by herself.  She is in first grade so of course the spelling was crude but I will treasure it all the same. 

 

Anyways Sunday night in between trips to the bathroom and quick nap on the bathroom floor, for some reason this always seems to make me feel a little better, I called my friend to let her know that the dinner we have been trying to plan has to be put on hold until I feel better.   Then she said some very beautiful words to me,  “Since you are staying home from work why don’t you let me bring Tooters’ home for you?  That way you do not have to get up and get dressed.”

 

OMG if I could have jumped through the phone and kissed her at that moment I would have in a heart beat.  You know sometimes in life there is nothing better than good friends like that.  Plus she is a single mom and has gone through a lot of the same things that I have so she understands me and my crazy side. 

 

On a side note and I have probably said this in other posts but I think I will mention it again.  It is times like this that I get very pissed off and frustrated with the Donor.  Here I am knocking on deaths door but I am still up feeding Tooters and doing all of the mommy stuff that I do everyday instead of trying to rest and get rid of this flu.  I just imagine him being sick and lying on his mom’s couch with her waiting on him hand and foot, if not his mom then whatever girlfriend he has tricked into thinking that he is a good man.  I am not wishing to be married or back with the Donor but sometimes I do wish I had that second person in the house to help so I do not have to rely on friends and family so much.

 

So to my friend thanks and god bless you.  You are a bright shiny example of a truly

thoughtful friend and someday I hope I can return the favor. 

 

 

P.S. I gave up my Master Cleanse after a day and a half when me and my friend made plans to have lasagna rolls for dinner.  But I think I will restart it today if my tummy will not stage a mutiny and reject anything that I attempt to swallow.  I will update you on my progress if I can even get started today.  You would think this would be a good time, my tummy surely shrank from not really eating a lot and I do not really want any food right now.  Who knows what will happen so wish me luck.  Oh one last thing, it has been two weeks and I still have not smoked and I have gone one week without my anti-strangle the boss patches.

Being Healthy Is Going To Kill Me

Posted in anger, Blogroll, children, cleansing, emotional, family, frustration, funny, growing up, healing, health, humor, KIDS, life, parenting, personal, pets, quit smoking, random, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2008 by Iron Mom

Wooo Hooo!!!!!  I have officially been smoke free for one week now.  I am so proud of myself for not giving in to the cravings and buying a pack of smokes.  Even better the people around me have survived my first week.  Don’t get me wrong there were a couple of close calls, and one person that almost became my personal punching bag.  So now that I have quit smoking me and a couple of my friends have decided to try the Master Cleanse fast.  The purpose of this fast is to detoxify your body.   I don’t know if this is really going to work but some of the side effects from the crap I am drinking suggest otherwise.  It is a pretty shitty situation.  I am only on day two and already I think I have flushed out that burger I had back in high school. 

 

I have done juice fasts in the past and they are great afterwards, but it never fails that this is when my friends decide they want to be nice and send home brownies and cookies.  I have a lot of focus and can usually pass it up until I am done with the fast.  However this time I am having a lot harder time because I still want to smoke and I have the munchies from hell.  So last night when I went to pick up Tooters from my friends house I walked in and there she is being all domestic, cooking and baking.  I did not want to be rude and run screaming from her house so I sat there for an hour chatting with her.

 

Let me just tell you that this was torture.  Tooters and her friend sat down for some yummy super chocolaty brownies with milk.  I zoned out and totally imagined myself jumping on the table and attacking the food like a lion in Africa that has not eaten in days.  When Tooters offered me a bite I thought if I did not walk out of there right then I might just bite more than just the brownie. 

 

To top it all off I still had to go home and finish feeding her dinner.  Fried chicken legs and pasta salad never looked so good in my life.  It was like manna from heaven just mocking me from its plate.  After Tooters went to bed I tried to stay up so I could catch Project Runway (I know a guilty pleasure) I had to find out who won.  Sorry no spoilers from me today.  Instead I ended up falling asleep right before they announced the winner.  Well when I woke up a few hours later I had rolled over on the remote and the t.v. was on the Food Network channel.  OMG what a cruel cosmic joke!!!!!!  To top it all off I am suppose to go to the movies tomorrow night with the kids and smell all of that wonderful popcorn.  I guess I am just a glutton for punishment at this point.

 

So I guess my point is, if you choose to do a fast like this don’t start near the end of the work week just to go home to cook for your family all weekend and listen to the snacks beckoning you from the kitchen in the middle of the night.  Start on Monday morning so by the time the weekend gets here you are into so far it will be easier to manage.  I am thinking right now I am going to give it up for the weekend and try to start again on Monday morning.  I know what a wimp!!!