Archive for shopping

The Amazing Stranger & His Amazing Advice

Posted in anger, blogging, Blogroll, children, emotional, entertainment, family, friends, frustration, growing up, help, hope, horror, humor, iritation, kicking ass, KIDS, life, mom, parenting, personal, random, shopping, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2009 by Iron Mom

Dear Asshat At The Store,

           Sir I would like to extend a warm fuzzy thank you for your wonderful advice at the store the other day.  The fact that you were so concerned about my daughter and me is very heartwarming.  You do not see that enough now days. 

          I know that the line we were in was very long and the store was hot so I understand the frustration you were expressing to your friend. Heck if one of my friends were there I would have made a couple of statements as well.  However just a slight suggestion, nothing compared to what you told me, next time you decide to let loose with a five minute rant about how slow the arthritic cashier is by loudly saying “f*ck” over and over again please try to be a little quieter.  My daughter is very smart and knows that that is not a good word but she does not need to hear it right in front of her for that long.  Neither did the toddlers behind me in line or the kids in the next lane.  I know they heard it too since you were talking loud enough for half the store to hear your frustration.

           Just remember you are visiting my town not the other way around.  I understand that our quaint little town depends on tourist like you for income but there is such a thing as respect.  Maybe that is why you offered me the highly valued advice that you did. 

          When I politely asked you to tone it down or lower your voice just a little bit, I was not trying to be critical.  If I came across rude when I finally asked you to “Shut the hell up!” I sincerely apologize.  Then when you turned around to me and opened your mouth I was in complete awe of what wisdom you bestowed upon me.  I will be sure to pass it on to all of mommy friends.

          “Bitch shut the f*ck up!  Your daughter is going to hear that word the rest of her life you better start anesthetizing her to it now.  So f*ck, f*ck, f*ckity, f*ck, f*ck!”

          Those words right there are just pure music to my ears.  The fact that you admitted you have no kids, when asked, and you are still able to help me out in this way is just phenomenal.  Honestly I have only been a single parent for over seven years now and never once did that line of thought come into my mind.  If you ever have kids in the future they will be so lucky to have you as a dad. 

          “Well sir, with your obvious extensive vocabulary you can take that word and go to hell!  I am not talking to you that way so return the respect…..f*cktard!”   Just slipped out of my mouth so I apologize for that too, since you were just trying to help me out with your advice. 

          Please enjoy the rest of your stay in our beautiful town and don’t forget to keep spreading your advice to other people you come across.  I really hope they receive it as well as I did or better. 

 

Sincerely,

 

The Eternally Grateful Mom At The Store.

 

P.S. My dad is a nurse in the emergency room, so when you do arrive there eventually call me and I will be right down to be by your side.  It is the least I can do for you……fucktard!!!

Advertisements

The 2009 Mommy List

Posted in anger, Blogroll, boss, children, clothes, cuteness, dog, emotional, family, friends, frustration, fun, funny, funny things kids do, giving, giving generousity, goals, growing up, healing, health, help, holiday, hope, humor, job, KIDS, life, mom, new years, parenting, personal, personality, pets, pictures, quit smoking, random, resolutions, seasons, shopping, single mom, thoughts, Uncategorized, winter, work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2009 by Iron Mom

As a mother I am accustomed to giving up things for Tooters on a daily basis.  Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining in the least, but I have recently sat down and really looked at what needs I have that are just not being met.  Which is totally my fault and I actually love the joy it brings me to give up something so that I can put a smile on Tooters face.  Even if me and my sanity suffer in the long run.

 

This brought me to thinking about my New Year’s resolutions.  Does anyone ever really fulfill their resolutions or just talk about them for 6 months before only to be forgotten with in weeks of the New Year?  So instead of making some ridiculous resolution list that I am going to bag in a few weeks then spend my time feeling guilty about.  I decided to make a realistic mommy list of things that I am going to do for myself throughout the year that I neglect regularly.  After reviewing my list I think all mom’s both married and single should make one. Here are the ten top things I am going to do for myself in 2009.

 

1.     Go bra shopping before I am down to the only one that I own that is held together by safety pins.

 

 Yes sadly to say I am sitting here in a bra that I am praying will make it another couple of weeks and no one thinks the funny lump under my shirt is a nipple piercing.  I already have purple and black hair and tattoo’s, I don’t need people looking at me like I am a complete freak. (Personally I hate to shop for a new bra it is a waste of precious time that I could spend on other activities.)

 

2.     Take an extra few minutes in the morning to actually enjoy a hot shower, and maybe even use the different settings on the showerhead.  Shut up you perverts not for that!!

 

I totally race through my showers and even have it down to getting in and out before a full song can play on my stereo.

 

3.     Let the dishes pile up in the sink for a night so that I can enjoy a hot cup of tea and read a grown up book.  Again perverts keep it in check, I am talking about my murder mystery books.

 

As much as I love to read Dr. Suess or Fancy Nancy to Tooters it would be nice to get back to reading the types of book I did before she was born.  At least more than one or two pages at a time, which is what I do now before Tooters demands my attention.

 

4.     Find time to exercise in peace without Tooters trying to imitate me and the Wonder Pup thinking it is playtime. 

 

Tooters loves it when I pull out my exercise DVD’s, because after giving it a 5 minute effort to keep up she just ends up laughing at me and asking why I am not doing it like the ladies on the DVD.  The Wonder Pup thinks she is helping every time I do the floor exercises by jumping on my stomach that is already sore. 

 

5.     Buy myself a new pair of jeans that actually fits so that I don’t look like some saggy ass stoner from behind. 

 

In the last year I have lost a little over 50 pounds and now none of my clothes fit properly.  They either are falling off of my body or the last 2 pairs that do some what fit are starting to fray.  I am a little afraid every time I bend down that my thighs or ass are going to come flying out.  Heck I might as well add a new shirt while I am at it.  I look like Omar the tent maker is my stylist.

 

6.     Buy new underwear that fit and are not full of holes. 

 

Again since the weight-loss I have not invested in new underwear, another waste of time for me.  However now I have the biggest granny panties you have ever seen and I need suspenders just to keep them up.  Maybe I could just hook them to my safety pins on my bra and start a new trend.  Not to mention that most have holes in them and I have to be careful where I grip them to pull them up.

 

7.     Grocery shop in peace.

 

All you mothers out there know what I am talking about so I will not elaborate on this one.

 

8.     Go to bed early. 

 

Instead of trying to pick up toys, straighten the house, or squeeze in one more load of laundry just bag it all and go to bed right after Tooter’s is asleep.  I am an insomniac but sometimes it would be nice to see what it is like to be able to be in bed for more than 5 or 6 hours in a single night even if I end up watch late night T.V.

 

9.     Ban Miley Cyrus from my car stereo.

 

Tooters and I love good loud music (is there any other kind) when we are in the car, but when I am on main street and she has her window down I tend to slump down in my seat and if I am wearing a hat pull it a little lower.  People tend to notice me before seeing my 6 year old in the back seat and I end up looking like an old freak.  You know sometimes I just need a good old fashion cuss fill grown up song to rock out to.

 

10. Quit smoking for good this time.

 

Oh hell I had to have at least one hard one in there.  I know I quit a few months ago but the holidays are so hard for me I could not take it and started up in the last month.  So I broke out the anti-strangle everyone patches and slapped one on.  I even let Tooters break my last two smokes and throw them away. 

 

So there you go there is my list.  I know this post was kind of long for me and I apologize but I just had to share.  I would love for some of you mommies out there to share what would be on your mommy list.  Happy New Year’s everybody I hope it is a good one!!!

Trying to look happy for a Monday!!

Trying to look happy for a Monday!!