In my house every once in a while I wonder who is really in control, Tooters or me. I tried to quit smoking back in January, which obviously did not work out for me so I have been thinking in the last week that I need to try it again. During the day I do pretty well one maybe two until bedtime comes. This has been my nighttime routine for 13 years now, lock up the house, bathroom, smoke and jump into bed. If it is a bad night then I will get up and smoke then go back to bed. Since I am an insomniac this is ok, my body is used to very little sleep.
I keep telling myself that at the end of this pack I will quit. Well last night that choice was taken away from me. I do not ever smoke in front or around Tooters so after she was in bed asleep I went out the side door for my nighttime smoke. While I was sitting there thinking that this tastes gross tonight, I heard the most pitiful crying coming from inside. Quickly I put out my smoke and ran into the house hoping Tooters was not vomiting again. She had the stomach flu last night and I don’t know that I could take another night of changing bed sheets from projectile vomiting and wondering what the hell she ate to make it day-glo orange.
When I was racing through the door I almost knocked her down because she was standing in the middle of the floor in front of the door crying. I swept her up and took her to the rocking chair and asked her what was wrong. It took a few minutes but she finally calmed down enough to tell me what was making her cry.
“You’re going to die and leave me!!!!!” and with that the tears started to flow again.
I just looked at her trying to figure out what she was talking about and I asked her to repeat that and explain it to me. After a few more minutes of heart wrenching sobs she explained to me that my lungs were turning black and they are going to shrivel up like raisins. She also told me no one can breathe with raisins in their chest so I had to quit smoking right now.
That clinched it for me. I put her back in bed found my old box of patches, put one on, and threw out the last couple of cigarettes that I had. So here I sit this morning a very tense bundle of nerves and very irritable. My boss sat here this morning talking to me and for some reason it was like listening to nails on a chalkboard, I mean I could just picture myself knocking him out of his chair. This is bad because usually I am so easy going. I was going to save my patches for just at night but I am thinking now I might need to pick up some more for daytime. I would hate for the headlines tomorrow to read, “Employee Decapitates Boss For Cigarette”
So wish me luck everyone on quitting. I also want to apologize to my friends and family in advance for any comments or fits that might occur in the next few days. I promise to keep the claws and fangs under control as much as possible.
Single Mom World 