Dear Asshat At The Store,
Sir I would like to extend a warm fuzzy thank you for your wonderful advice at the store the other day. The fact that you were so concerned about my daughter and me is very heartwarming. You do not see that enough now days.
I know that the line we were in was very long and the store was hot so I understand the frustration you were expressing to your friend. Heck if one of my friends were there I would have made a couple of statements as well. However just a slight suggestion, nothing compared to what you told me, next time you decide to let loose with a five minute rant about how slow the arthritic cashier is by loudly saying “f*ck” over and over again please try to be a little quieter. My daughter is very smart and knows that that is not a good word but she does not need to hear it right in front of her for that long. Neither did the toddlers behind me in line or the kids in the next lane. I know they heard it too since you were talking loud enough for half the store to hear your frustration.
Just remember you are visiting my town not the other way around. I understand that our quaint little town depends on tourist like you for income but there is such a thing as respect. Maybe that is why you offered me the highly valued advice that you did.
When I politely asked you to tone it down or lower your voice just a little bit, I was not trying to be critical. If I came across rude when I finally asked you to “Shut the hell up!” I sincerely apologize. Then when you turned around to me and opened your mouth I was in complete awe of what wisdom you bestowed upon me. I will be sure to pass it on to all of mommy friends.
“Bitch shut the f*ck up! Your daughter is going to hear that word the rest of her life you better start anesthetizing her to it now. So f*ck, f*ck, f*ckity, f*ck, f*ck!”
Those words right there are just pure music to my ears. The fact that you admitted you have no kids, when asked, and you are still able to help me out in this way is just phenomenal. Honestly I have only been a single parent for over seven years now and never once did that line of thought come into my mind. If you ever have kids in the future they will be so lucky to have you as a dad.
“Well sir, with your obvious extensive vocabulary you can take that word and go to hell! I am not talking to you that way so return the respect…..f*cktard!” Just slipped out of my mouth so I apologize for that too, since you were just trying to help me out with your advice.
Please enjoy the rest of your stay in our beautiful town and don’t forget to keep spreading your advice to other people you come across. I really hope they receive it as well as I did or better.
Sincerely,
The Eternally Grateful Mom At The Store.
P.S. My dad is a nurse in the emergency room, so when you do arrive there eventually call me and I will be right down to be by your side. It is the least I can do for you……fucktard!!!
Single Mom World 