Not A Bright Shiny Moment

Let’s play a little game called “What If?”  I’ll ask the questions and give my answer to it, then if you want to play too leave your answers in the comments. 

 What if there are a bunch of young muscular studs working really hard in the ware yard behind your office, do they need to be harassed?

 In my eyes anyone younger than me is fair game.  Of course I am going to bug them; it keeps them focused and they work harder to prove this lady wrong.

 What if they decided to harass you back? Do you amp up the remarks or walk away?

 Now who out there that knows me would even begin to think I would walk away from that.  Of course not, I amp it up and try to keep up with the guys, for some reason I feel like I have something to prove to the male species.

 What if  they start showing off by finding these big boards and trying to move them one person to a board, after they strip off the shirts and give you a good showing of their sweaty, young muscled bodies?

 Hell ya I am going to look!  I never walk away from a free show, especially one like that.  Don’t forget I am still making comments; I want to see just how far they will go on this fine afternoon of showing off.

 What if they get the brilliant idea that they need to break these boards to fit into the truck better just to show how strong they really are?

 Well more comments come out of my mouth and I continue to stand there enjoying the show the boy toys are putting on.  Come on ladies don’t tell me that you are not picturing all of this and drooling on your keyboards.  I was there and I still drool a little bit lol. 

 What if, in the spirit of things they dare you to try and break one of these half rotten boards?

 As soon as one of the young’un looks at me and says, “You think you’re so tough you get over here and try it!”  I am on my way to them.  There is no way in hell I am going to let them talk to me like that and not do anything about it.  I, again I am trying to keep up for some reason, step up and they pick out a pretty board for me to take a whack at.

 What if they were breaking the boards by kicking them but I want to out do the biggest guy and choose to hit it instead?

 I will tell you what happens, after the second punch to the board (it did not break with the first punch) your hand feels like it went through a meat grinder, tears well up in your eyes, you notice instant bruising but you maintain your cool in front of the boy toys.  Slowly as your hand is swelling inside your pocket you pretend your cell phone is ringing and walk away to take the important work call.

 What if you end up at the doctor the next morning because your hand won’t move and your knuckles look like they belong to a boxer?

 I humbly walk into the doctor with my hand wrapped in ice and my head hanging low just to be sent to the hospital for x-rays.  I return to the doctor to be informed that I flattened two knuckles and broke the bone going down the back of my hand from my ring finger.  I am splinted and referred to another doctor.

 What if you have to go home and face your family and boyfriend?  Do you lie or tell the truth?

 I am here to tell you that I should have thought about that before taking a pain pill and lying down on the couch for a while.  My boyfriend came in and asked me about it.  Of course I was loopy and told the truth.  He told me to make sure and not tell anyone I hit it twice it just sounds bad.  That is after he spent forever laughing at me.  He cannot understand why this 5 ft 4 woman of 135 lbs would ever try to keep up with guys that do that work for a living. 

 

So there you have it that is how I managed to break my hand a few weeks ago.  I went to the specialist last week and he found calcification in the last two knuckles from healing and one more spot in the back of my hand that is calcifying from the healing process that makes a total of what looked like 4 cracks.  He also informed me that I have a lot of soft tissue damage, changed me into another splint that immobilized my thumb and said come back in a month. 

 I am tough so comment away lol!!  I will say this much, next time I will make sure to get one of the rotten boards like the guys did.

 

A Million Emotions For Sale

OK here’s the deal I have spent a majority of my life trying to go against the grain. I never wanted to fit into the normal category and enjoyed being different. It did not always win me very many friends but the few friends I have love me for me and not for being like someone else.

Growing up I did not fit into just one click at school instead I floated from group to group just depending on who struck my fancy that day. I made sure that I did not dress like the popular cheerleader girls, aka the carbon copy Barbie dolls. Instead I just wore what I wanted and what was comfortable, I just did not care as long as it was cute.

Now dating is a different story. I have not really dated since I left my ex back in 2004. It just did not interest me. I mean why would I want to take the risk of getting tangled up with another ass just to have my heart broken over and over again. So obviously my marriage left me with issues.

I am not the typical woman. I don’t like chick flicks, instead I prefer lots and lots of blood and action. Chick flicks depress me because they are all basically the same and therefore boring. I would rather camp in the dirt and fish than sit around with girlfriends gossiping about the new clerk at the video store and his amazing butt while doing each others hair. That is just not my cup of tea. I also hate Valentine’s Day; it is just a waste of time and money. I swear it was created by the greeting card industry to make a mint off of all the suckers out there.

I prefer little thoughtful gifts that let me know he is really listening to me in lieu of big expensive crap. Don’t get me wrong I would love to get flowers at work but I am just a simple girl with simple tastes. I don’t own even one piece of lingerie because it is a waste of money and my house is not really overly girly. I am not saying I am butch or a tomboy of any sorts I just feel like I do not really fit into any one certain type of mold.

However there are certain aspects of me that are not that different from other people. Even though I hate to cry, I don’t like the feeling of weakness it gives me, I really am capable of it. I love to laugh and be close to certain people. I don’t like feeling that I am being pulled in a thousand different directions at the same time, so when I do feel that way I actually have a stressed out moment.

This brings me to what I am ultimately feeling today. I have this overwhelming feeling of failure. I am stretched so thin I am not sure I can handle much more. But being a woman I am sure I will fit something else into my life. It just seems that my spirits are low and that affects everything and everyone around me.

I am trying to make everyone around me happy and live up to his or her expectations but seem to be falling short at the moment, plus forgetting about myself. Then when I do think about me for just a moment I get to into my own head and I end up feeling worse than before.

I try to please my parents and even though they tell me they are very proud of me I always feel like some of my decisions they do not agree with and it ends up disappointing them. When I call just because I am not super bubbly on the phone, never really been bubbly to begin with, then there is a problem and I am depressed.

I have moments when I am not as patient as I can be with Tooters and that lets her down. I sit around with mommy guilt, hating myself because I chewed her out for misbehaving and made her cry. Don’t get me wrong I know she is trying to get out of trouble and she knows this trick works most of the time then I end up caving in. I also know that there are times she is going to be mad at me but I would rather avoid that all together. I also have the guilt over spending time with friends, studying, in school or working overtime in the summer because this takes time away from her.

I am trying to please everyone at the office and make sure his or her needs are met. I always end up with more tasks on my plate than I can get done in a day and end up making someone mad because their request has to wait.

 Just this morning one of the guys came in and chewed me out for getting his supplies delivered a day late, which was beyond my control it was a holiday yesterday with no deliveries. For some reason it was my fault and he let me know it without giving me a chance to explain it to him then stormed out of the office. I don’t know what came over me but I actually did start to cry just a little bit. One of the girls came in and asked me what was happening. She said you are Sunny you don’t cry and let the guys get to you. Holy crap now I am not allowed to have an emotional marble rolling around in my head at work either.

School is taking up a lot of time. Don’t get me wrong I love school but this week is just really packed with assignments and a big exam on Monday. I have to start re-applying for student loans really soon and register for next semester in a couple of weeks. Right now I do not even want to know what classes are up next.

I guess I am basically just stressed, stretched thin, emotional and a little whiny today. I don’t think that it helped much this morning when my best friend expressed concern over the new boyfriend, he did it in a way that was not exactly gentle and made me feel bad. To top it off this is the season when my divorce was final and it tends to get to me a little bit still.

 I think I have gotten everything out of my system and I actually do feel a little bit better for now. I just have to wait for the time when the house is quiet and Tooters is asleep to see if I end up in my head again and the stupid feelings start over again. I am sure that I will be all better tomorrow but I was getting to a point I could not breath and had to tell someone. Writing is always easier for me to express things rather than talking to someone, watching them roll their eyes at me then tell me that I have nothing to be upset over because look at all I have. Next person that tells me that today might want to duck I just might throw something at them.

So see I am different like I set out to be, but ended up being pretty normal at the same time. With that I am off to my next task for the day and I promise that my next post will be more uplifting. Maybe the funky mood is just going around right now because I am not the only blogger out there feeling this. Let just all go have a drink and forget the world for a while instead, my place at 8??

What Did I Just Get Myself Into?!?!?!?!

You know it has taken me 3 months to get here but I made it, I am officially now a college student. I am scared because I am 30 something and been out of school for so long. Luckily I am going to school online this semester and taking only two classes but I am still a little intimidated, I mean I have to learn to study and take tests all over again.

I have to admit I did take 3 classes a few years ago and did not do my best. I started out with hard classes thinking “No problem I am a smart adult, I will fly thru this thing!” OMG I was wrong. Let me just make a suggestion to everyone out there interested in college. It is not impossible for anyone, even single parents like myself, but examine what is going on around you and make sure it is a good time. I tried to do it when I had a 3 year old running around, was working full time one place, part time at another place, going through a nasty divorce, adjusting to being single again, and trying to travel in between. That is a recipe for disaster. So I am trying it again and as of today I am fully admitted, I even received all of my Pell Grant money. Wooo hooo for me!!!

Tooters is now 7 years old so I think she can handle all of it better this time. I set her down the other night and I explained to her that mommy was going back to school so I would need her help so I can pass with good grades. She looked at me and asked if I flunked something that I had to make up. I gently told her how this is good for us and will help me in my job. Then I heard my words come flying out of her mouth:

“Well you know you cannot play with your friends, the computer or anything until your homework is done. That means right after work mom, that is what you said the rule is!”

OMG what a little momma she is turning into. Even the other day riding our bikes home she made sure I was on the sidewalk behind her because it made her feel safer that I was not so close to the traffic. Crap that is what I tell her all the time. The other night I was on the phone and she overheard me cussing about something so she came into the room and reminded me that the words I was using are unacceptable and I need to remember proper manners. Holy hell I thought when I was a mommy living on my own there would be no more censorship. Well she sure showed me I guess.

I thought I would brag a little bit that I am a full fledge college student. I am stoked and so starting in May if I don’t blog as much you know where I am, hiding with my nose in a text book lol.

Open Post To The Service Man That Left Me Hanging

Dear Service Men/Women,

 

I would like to send out a huge thank you for everything that you do for us common folks that need you to get by on a daily basis.  With out you I would have no health care, cable, phone, Internet, and a million other services that require you to show up at my house or for me to wait in your office. 

 

However with all these wonderful things that you do for everyone everyday do you think it is ok to make us wait on you no matter how long it is??  I mean believe it or not I do have a life that I like to enjoy.  For some reason the idea of sitting around and waiting in a little stuffy waiting room with a squirmy child and listening to other screaming kids is not my idea of a fun afternoon. 

 

Just because I happen to need some work done inside my house that I need to be home for, does that mean my time is not as important as yours??  All I ask is for you to give me a better idea of what time you will be there rather than between 8 and 5.  Some of us really do have jobs and/or a family that needs to be taken care of.  Do you not realize that the less time I spend at my job earning money that means I have that much less to give to you??

 

You know if I could fix my pipes, hook up my own cable, cure my own cold or do the other things that you do, you would lose your job??  So instead of pissing people off and making them wait endless hours and losing hourly wages, up your costumer service and show up on time or pin point a time you will be there.  Don’t over book yourselves just to try and squeeze as many billable hours in as possible into one day.  Maybe next time that I am spending a whole day at home waiting on a service person I might just read a book on how to do it myself and just get it done quickly. 

 

I do however understand that there will always be things that need attention that I cannot possibly do or have the education required to perform that task.  So in these particular cases please do not talk down to me just because you went to some big fancy college.  I may not have the money that you do, the degree, or the knowledge of what you are doing, but that does not mean I don’t have the capacity to understand if explained when I ask about it.  Also does this mean that your time is more precious than mine or worth more?? 

 

I really do want to thank you for what you do and if we can all come up with a compromise for these few problems that I mentioned I think a lot of stress can be alleviated.   I am sure you can find me if you really want to discuss these problems just check your voice mail for an irate customer that was left waiting for you and you did not show up or the service was not provided properly.  I can also be found in every state and every city in the country. 

 

Sincerely,

 

The Bitchy Customer Left Hanging

 

P.S. If anyone out there can relate to any of this please feel free to leave comments at the bottom!!

You Might Be A Parent If……..

I know this is my first post in a while but it has already been one hell of a year for me.  Between my heater going out for a whole week and finding out really bad stuff about my ex, I just have not been in the mood to blog.  Which is a huge mistake because I get such joy out of it.  So as a tribute to my readers, especially the awesome parents out there, you know who you are, here is one of my lists that people seem to enjoy so much.

 

Jeff Foxworthy has made the saying you might be a redneck if….

 

Well I have decided that I want my own catch phrase and since I always laugh at what he says this pays a little homage to him to, hence the title.  You know since I am a little redneck myself lol.  So here it goes my top ten things that make a parent a parent:

 

1. At any given time you have been in the middle of the grocery store and someone points out an unidentifiable substance on your shirt.  You being the parent first smell it and if it is not rank lick it, sending the other person away gagging into their grocery bag.  Come on it was just a little chocolate.

 

2. You go rushing out of the house in the morning to get the kids to school and in the mad dash to get them there on time you get pulled over.  After the cop looks at you like you have 2 heads and the kids in the backseat are letting you know that they are telling dad, you realize you forgot a couple of rollers on top of your head, the fluffy slippers with eyes and the fuzzy bathrobe hanging open.  You know there was a time in your life that would have gotten you out of the ticket not the other way around.

 

3. After a long day of wrestling little ones in and out of the car, fighting with a squirmy puppy, trying to make something that resembles a dinner and getting the kids into bed you try to enjoy the quiet house.  All this is shattered by the husband hollering for his clean socks, his clean towel, and his things for in the morning.  To top it all off he cannot understand why you are not “in the mood” and you do not even want to be touched.

 

4. It is later afternoon the baby is finally asleep and you have a moment to yourself while you fold a mountain of laundry and cuss out the skinny chick on television that had the baby 2 seconds ago and is complaining about wearing a size 5 instead of a 2.  This is when you realize you forgot today is your carpool day so out the door you race in your sweats praying you don’t smell to bad.  Then back into the house you go to get the sleeping baby.  Then back in the house again for the car keys that are now locked inside with the cell phone. 

 

(Let me tell you a post baby body does not slide through the bedroom window like it did fifteen years ago.  It is even worse when the dog is jumping up licking your grunting face from the bed you are trying to aim at, but instead hit the floor.  All you can do is stare at the ceiling while you are waiting for your lungs to re-inflate and think why me?)

 

5. You realize that the terms “pissed on” and “shit on” take on a whole new meaning.  I will not even elaborate on that one.  If you have had a baby you know what I am talking about. 

 

6. Your clothes are no longer your clothes.  Some how the few remaining dresses that somewhat fit and is kind of decent enough for dinner with the husband/boyfriend has become your daughters dress up clothes.  Your one pair of prized hooker heels (come on ladies admit you have a pair hidden in the closet!)  have become their princess shoes for them to wobble around the house in when you are not looking.

 

7. Personal products are no longer personal.  You walk into the bathroom to find your son and his friends shooting your tampons as hard as they can up into the air so they land in the bathtub full of water and expand so fast all they can do is giggle.

 

8.Your silverware drawer that used to have beautiful designs that matched are now mismatched and mis-sized.  This is because most of your spoons are buried in the garden and the forks have become little crucifixes for little green army men. 

 

9. One morning you stumble into work wearing clothes that are barely clean and not really matching, but the dark circles under your eyes actually match your dark shoes.  This is because you have been up all night with one or more kid, being puked on, coughed on, and snotted on.  Then you manage to get a couple of hours sleep after you dose them with nighttime medicine in the middle of the night.  OMG they then bounce out of bed in the morning with a miraculous recovery because there is a birthday party after school they just have to go to or die.

 

10. You swear on your grandmothers grave that if you hear advise or how well someone is going to raise their kids so that they do not act like your little devil spawn running circles around you and they do not have kids; well lets just say they have “by reason of insanity” for a reason. 

 

If you fit any of these then you just might be a parent lol!!!  Re-reading this post I wonder how any of us do it somedays, both with a partner and alone.

 

So welcome back me and let’s hope it gets better for the Nuthouse.  I missed everyone terribly and hope to hear from all soon.