Special Ed Strikes Again

Ok readers it is time for a silly boss story to be posted.  I have previously posted a story (Missing: One Brain Cell Possibly More) about my boss and promised more so I decided to make good on it today.  All stories about my boss are true I swear.  So here it goes. 

 

This is the time of year that we start looking at budgets for the fire center operation costs for the upcoming summer.  It is always a little stressful to try and break it down and come up with a number that will satisfy everyone involved.  Keep in mind this was last year and after what happened I am not sure he will want my opinion this year lol. 

 

My boss (Special Ed) came into my office and sat down to go over it with me.  He likes to do this and get my input since I am over there and I know what is going on.  Well we got right to it and started going down the list.  It is pretty standard stuff like supplies, training materials, and day-to-day things.  Then he gets towards the bottom of the page and gets this very perplexed look on his face.  I sit there watching his face contort in confusion waiting for him to tell me what is on the page.  Finally he speaks up and asks me what this certain charge is for and why it is so much, this is how the conversation went:

 

SE: “What is a face smile and why am I paying $300 for it?”

 

Me: “A what?!?! Can you repeat that again?”

 

SE: “A face smile, a face smile, what the hell is a face smile??”

 

Me: “OMG are you serious? Did you just say what I think you said?”

 

SE: “Yes a face smile, what is that, I am being serious?  Can you please explain this to me?”

 

At this point all I can do is stare at him not really believing my ears, my brain actually starts to hurt trying to process this information.  Then here comes the laughter.  At first it is just a little giggle then as I think about what was just said I start laughing harder and harder.  The secretary across the hall actually came and checked on me because I was laughing so loud and so hard.  I just could not help myself and I think at one point I peed a little.  This was the type of fit that your stomach cramps up, there are tears running down your cheeks, and you start making the retarded faces because no noise is coming out just a little gasping sounds as you are trying to inhale before you pass out. 

 

Poor Special Ed is just sitting there asking me to explain to him what is so funny.  I finally calmed down enough to tell him what is so funny.  He was looking at the charge for the FACSIMILE’S!!!!!!!  As soon as I said it I started laughing again, this really just struck me as hilarious.  Special Ed at that point reminded me who signs my timesheets and that my yearly evaluation was coming up.  He jokingly told me that I am replaceable.

 

Now for some reason these are the times when my brain misfires or something and comments fly out of my mouth before I can stop it.  I don’t know why and usually I regret it as soon as I am done speaking and I have regained control of my mouth, but not this time.  What I said next was perfect for the moment and has become a legend in the office.  This is what flew out:

 

“Can you confirm that with a face smile?”

 

At this point one of my co-workers in the next office that was listening to the whole thing exploded with laughter with me.  Special Ed at this point just hung his head with defeat and shuffled up the hallway disappearing for a while.  He did eventually come back.  When he did he peaked around the corner and asked if I was done laughing at him so he could come back to work. 

 

We still joke about it in the office from time to time and laugh all over again.  God I love my boss some days, he definitely keeps things very interesting for me.  So next time you are around a fax machine just remember according to Special Ed it is a face smile lol.  

The 2009 Mommy List

As a mother I am accustomed to giving up things for Tooters on a daily basis.  Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining in the least, but I have recently sat down and really looked at what needs I have that are just not being met.  Which is totally my fault and I actually love the joy it brings me to give up something so that I can put a smile on Tooters face.  Even if me and my sanity suffer in the long run.

 

This brought me to thinking about my New Year’s resolutions.  Does anyone ever really fulfill their resolutions or just talk about them for 6 months before only to be forgotten with in weeks of the New Year?  So instead of making some ridiculous resolution list that I am going to bag in a few weeks then spend my time feeling guilty about.  I decided to make a realistic mommy list of things that I am going to do for myself throughout the year that I neglect regularly.  After reviewing my list I think all mom’s both married and single should make one. Here are the ten top things I am going to do for myself in 2009.

 

1.     Go bra shopping before I am down to the only one that I own that is held together by safety pins.

 

 Yes sadly to say I am sitting here in a bra that I am praying will make it another couple of weeks and no one thinks the funny lump under my shirt is a nipple piercing.  I already have purple and black hair and tattoo’s, I don’t need people looking at me like I am a complete freak. (Personally I hate to shop for a new bra it is a waste of precious time that I could spend on other activities.)

 

2.     Take an extra few minutes in the morning to actually enjoy a hot shower, and maybe even use the different settings on the showerhead.  Shut up you perverts not for that!!

 

I totally race through my showers and even have it down to getting in and out before a full song can play on my stereo.

 

3.     Let the dishes pile up in the sink for a night so that I can enjoy a hot cup of tea and read a grown up book.  Again perverts keep it in check, I am talking about my murder mystery books.

 

As much as I love to read Dr. Suess or Fancy Nancy to Tooters it would be nice to get back to reading the types of book I did before she was born.  At least more than one or two pages at a time, which is what I do now before Tooters demands my attention.

 

4.     Find time to exercise in peace without Tooters trying to imitate me and the Wonder Pup thinking it is playtime. 

 

Tooters loves it when I pull out my exercise DVD’s, because after giving it a 5 minute effort to keep up she just ends up laughing at me and asking why I am not doing it like the ladies on the DVD.  The Wonder Pup thinks she is helping every time I do the floor exercises by jumping on my stomach that is already sore. 

 

5.     Buy myself a new pair of jeans that actually fits so that I don’t look like some saggy ass stoner from behind. 

 

In the last year I have lost a little over 50 pounds and now none of my clothes fit properly.  They either are falling off of my body or the last 2 pairs that do some what fit are starting to fray.  I am a little afraid every time I bend down that my thighs or ass are going to come flying out.  Heck I might as well add a new shirt while I am at it.  I look like Omar the tent maker is my stylist.

 

6.     Buy new underwear that fit and are not full of holes. 

 

Again since the weight-loss I have not invested in new underwear, another waste of time for me.  However now I have the biggest granny panties you have ever seen and I need suspenders just to keep them up.  Maybe I could just hook them to my safety pins on my bra and start a new trend.  Not to mention that most have holes in them and I have to be careful where I grip them to pull them up.

 

7.     Grocery shop in peace.

 

All you mothers out there know what I am talking about so I will not elaborate on this one.

 

8.     Go to bed early. 

 

Instead of trying to pick up toys, straighten the house, or squeeze in one more load of laundry just bag it all and go to bed right after Tooter’s is asleep.  I am an insomniac but sometimes it would be nice to see what it is like to be able to be in bed for more than 5 or 6 hours in a single night even if I end up watch late night T.V.

 

9.     Ban Miley Cyrus from my car stereo.

 

Tooters and I love good loud music (is there any other kind) when we are in the car, but when I am on main street and she has her window down I tend to slump down in my seat and if I am wearing a hat pull it a little lower.  People tend to notice me before seeing my 6 year old in the back seat and I end up looking like an old freak.  You know sometimes I just need a good old fashion cuss fill grown up song to rock out to.

 

10. Quit smoking for good this time.

 

Oh hell I had to have at least one hard one in there.  I know I quit a few months ago but the holidays are so hard for me I could not take it and started up in the last month.  So I broke out the anti-strangle everyone patches and slapped one on.  I even let Tooters break my last two smokes and throw them away. 

 

So there you go there is my list.  I know this post was kind of long for me and I apologize but I just had to share.  I would love for some of you mommies out there to share what would be on your mommy list.  Happy New Year’s everybody I hope it is a good one!!!

Trying to look happy for a Monday!!

Missing: One Brain Cell Possibly More

I usually try to leave work stuff out of my blog but my boss did something yesterday that I just have to talk about.  Now I know he tries really hard but there is something about this guy that is way off.  Some days are worse than others.  His heart is in the right place I just don’t know that it is communicating with his brain. 

 

I was sitting at my desk hard at work as usual **wink wink ** when my boss and one of the other guys in the office walked in to get something out of the supply closet across from me.  Well they were standing in the doorway talking about general work stuff when my boss trying to make a point stomped his foot on the ground a couple of times.  Just as he did this the other guys cell phone made a doorbell noise, this just could not have been better timing.  The boss looked up shocked and I swear to God he asked me if he made that sound when he was stomping the ground. 

 

I don’t know what came over me but at that moment I just could not help myself, I very seriously looked at the boss and asked, “What noise?? I did not hear anything.”

 

He just looked from me then to the other guy looking very confused.  I asked the other guy if he heard anything thing then I asked the boss if he was feeling ok.  What happened next was classic.  He started stomping his foot on the ground like a horse saying watch I will make it do it again.  How I kept a straight face I will never know.  The other guy was turning purple because he was working so hard to keep from laughing.  I thought this guy was going to blow an O-ring or something. 

 

So of course I asked the boss if he was sure he was ok and did he remember to take his medicine that morning.  All he can do is keep stomping and saying just a second I swear I did it.  He finally gave up and mumbled something under his breath and shuffled back to his office.  As soon as I was in the clear I raced up the hallway to the closest exit so I could go outside and laugh.  I still have not told him that it was the cell phone and not his foot!

 

You know this is not the first time he has done something this absurd.  I wonder if he has lost a few marbles here and there.  Anyways it doesn’t matter to me what is wrong with him as long as he continues to brighten my day like that sometimes. 

Are You A Freddy or A Jason???

In my opinion in life there are two kinds of people in the world.  You have your Jason people and your Freddy people.  What this means is which horror franchise do you prefer?  Are you the type of person that prefers the Freddy Kruger movies or do you like the Friday the 13^th movies?  I believe this is directly related to your personality.  Just keep reading and see what I mean.

Freddy Kruger is gruesome to look at, but you just cannot turn away you have to keep looking at the overall look fascinated by the effect.  This means you are curious and not afraid of a little gore so you are a strong soul.  Freddy starts out with the basic slash of the young pretty girl but he evolves into much more.  His killing style becomes creative even jocular as the later movies come out.  This means that you are artistic and not afraid to take risks in life and you like to be thought provoking.  Freddy stalks his prey and toys with them if he does not get them the first time.  You are patient and if you do not mind trying over and over again to get what you want.  This also means that you are playful and do not mind a side trip now and again.

Jason actually was not in the first movie it was really his mother is concealed behind a mask.  This keeps you guessing and wondering what is behind it.  This means that you do not take people at face value you look beyond that and try to see what they are hiding.  He stalks his victims and seems to mostly stick to his determined gait.  This means you are focused you know where you are going even if it takes you a while.  His killing style is to slash and stab.  This means that you are direct and you cut to the chase so to speak and get it over with quickly.

Now for the weapons of choice.  Freddy has his signature glove with the knives.  However he also invades your dreams and kills from there.  This means that you are a deep thinker and a bit of a dreamer.  You like to use your hands but only for fun and art not for the dirty work.  This does not mean you are lazy you just have a different way of looking at the world.

Jason prefers the machete.  He stalks his prey and then slashes and stabs.  This means you have a direct purpose for what you do and how you do things.  He also sticks to the woods.  This means that you are not afraid of the outdoors or getting dirty. 

So which type of person are you?  Are you a Freddy or a Jason?  Personally I am a Freddy all the way.  I even have a collector’s edition box set of all the movies on VHS still in the wrapper that has never been watched.  I know what a nerd, but leave me alone that is my man.  As you can guess I am a little warped.  So leave a comment at the bottom and let me know what you are.  Happy Halloween.

 

 

 

Looking For Good Opinions

Before you read this post please keep in mind that I am running on no sleep and no food.  I am trying to decide right now if I should keep trying to do the Master Cleanse right now.  There is a large fire in my town that I have to help work so this means insane hours.  Let me give you a rundown of the last few days and you will see what I mean. 

Monday I was in bed with the stomach flu and ate very little, I went to bed that night and had a hard time sleeping so I got maybe 6 hours of sleep if I am lucky.  I finally gave up at 4:45 am and got up for the day.  I worked a full 10 hour shift then picked up Tooters went home and went for a walk then did some laundry.  Then all of the fires happened and I got called into work and was at the dispatch center by 2am.  I was released from there at 8:30 only to go to my office and continue to work until 1pm.  Keep in mind that I still have not slept. 

Then I had to go to the pharmacy and I spent 30 minutes standing in line.  I did something there that I have never done before.  I fell asleep standing up like a damn horse.  Who knew I had such talents?  I finally made it home and tried to sleep.  By 6pm I gave up trying to sleep through the dog barking and me freezing on the couch.  I was too lazy to get up and turn up the heat.  So I went to get Tooters from my friend’s house.

I called work and sure enough they needed me in by 10pm.  I took Tooters to my dad’s house and got her settled in so that I could go and get ready for work myself.  So here I am sitting at work and I think I have only had about 8 hours sleep since Monday, I think. 

Today is going to be even worse.  I will get out of dispatch at 6am only to go get Tooters and get her ready for school.  I will take her back to the office with me until time for school and shuttle her there.  I will continue across town to go to physical therapy for my shoulder.  Now instead of going home and going to bed I have to go back to work because I have some pressing paperwork that has to be done today.  Then I have to be at the specialist at 3pm to find out if I have to have tests done this afternoon or schedule surgery.  After that I still do not get to go home and go to bed I have to go to a Parent Council meeting to finalize the plans for our booth we put together for the festival this weekend.  Still no bed in sight for me because I have to take Tooters to my dad’s house then go get ready for work and be back here by 8pm. 

So my thoughts are with all of this there is no way my body is going to properly benefit from the cleanse at this point and maybe I should give up just for the day and restart tomorrow.  This will be easier because my dad is off work and can take Tooters so that I can sleep and I am not trying to split my time between two offices. 

The more I think about it the more I like this idea.  Then again I am onto day 3 and I have to waste all of the progress just to start over again.  Who knows maybe I am just rambling because I am sleepy and I cannot take a nap.  I will put a poll at the bottom please chime in and let me know your thoughts.